What's the Worst That Could Happen?

Like many other couples, when my husband and I were dating, we'd occasionally see a young family making a failed attempt to have a quiet dinner at a nearby table. We'd shake our heads and say things like, "why would they bring a child to a nice restaurant?" Well, now we know. 

Teaching our son good manners required endless hours in "test" restaurants where the stakes were low, and the high point of the menu was chicken nuggets. Despite the fact that our son was actually making great progress, we were desperate to (as I like to say) kick it up a notch.

Then it happened, we got an actual Christmas party invitation from a CBS News co-worker with the words we had been hoping to read, "children welcome." We couldn't believe it. We were going to spend the evening in a Gramercy Park Apartment with grown-ups, and our perfect little angel boy...and it would be kid friendly! If I knew then what I know now, I would have no choice but to burn the invitation.

Flash forward -- A couple of weeks later, the three of us sat in a cab, filled with anticipation. Our four-year-old son seemed perplexed, fascinated by the taxi ride, or so we thought at the time. I felt like an actual adult, complete with designer shoes and clothing that had never encountered spit up. My husband and I smiled at one another gleefully -- blissful ignorance.

Upon entering the apartment, our blissful expressions turned to that of total fear. Do you remember that scene in the movie Twister when they open the barn door, while trying to escape the tornado, and they find knives, saws, and scythes hanging from the ceiling?

Basically, we were staring at our most beautiful nightmare – leather coffee table, china cups, delicate plates adorned with delicious appetizers. And there in the center of the living room was the most beautiful Christmas tree we'd ever seen, decorated from top to bottom with paper thin, crystal ornaments. As kind as they were, I questioned whether or not our hosts fully understood the term "kid friendly."

Just then, I heard the words no mother wants to hear, "mommy, my tummy feels funny." Before I could stop it, someone was handing my sweet little angel an h'ordeurve and saying, "aw, he's just hungry."

The second the goat cheese touched his tongue he looked at us desperately. We hadn't even located the bathroom yet and the crowd was blocking every door. My husband created a diversion, while our son, now turning green, and I hid behind the big leather chair next to the tree. I knew what I'd have to do, take one for the team. I closed my eyes, took a breath and stood between my son, the glistening tree, and all other valuable items (which was everything).

As my "virgin" outfit met with the…(I'll let you fill in the blank here), my eyes began to tear…from the odor. I was officially a mess, although the room remained untouched. On the upside, my son (also, not a drop on him) smiled and said, "I feel a lot better now!"

After practically showering in the powder room, I emerged still slightly damp, not smelling all that great, and desperately wanting to go home. Just as I was thinking, "well, it can't get any worse," I saw Dan Rather walking toward me, gracious and smiling as always, and wanting to say hello. All I could think was, "please, God, don't let him smell me."

As Mr. Rather shook my hand, I peeked over his shoulder in search of my husband. I spotted him sitting with my sweet little angel who was behaving just as we had taught him, napkin in lap, sitting properly, and chatting with his dad. Smelly as I was, I was also proud.

As our eyes met, my husband smiled at me with a look of I'm sorry/you're wonderful/let's go home now. And we did, happily.

Over the years, we've continued to go to restaurants and both our children have graduated to some really good ones. Last Thursday we went to Cholo's Kitchen in New Rochelle, which I highly recommend for family dining, if you are looking for something unique, and your children have outgrown Chuck E Cheese. It's a small restaurant so big groups could pose a problem and do be aware of the spiciness of some of the dishes. Make sure to ask your server about it when the kids order.

The portions are generous so my nine-year-old opted to order an appetizer as her main course, which was more than enough and really delicious! My son (being the carnivore that he is) ordered the sauteed steak which is mild, quite tasty, and comes with French fries. My husband and I tried spicier fare and some Peruvian beer, which was the perfect way to cool down the hot. The kids stuck with the Peruvian soda, which they say tasted like lollipops.

There were five or six other kids there, and they had some pretty good manners as well. There is ample parking but it'll cost you (computerized meters) and the bathroom gets a thumbs up, but no changing tables and not enough room to work it out so timing is key, if you know what I mean.

That said, we enjoyed the authentic Peruvian atmosphere and the kids had a nice time hanging out in a new environment with mom and dad. 

One more thing, if any of you singles, newlyweds, or parents with infants read my column, try and have a little patience for those families in training. It's not always easy…and sometimes it reeks.

And Mr. Rather, if you by any chance do read this, I usually don't smell like that.