Famed Wrestler Saves Lives, Fights Back Against Bullying, Suicide

SOUTHOLD, NY — It was a sight most parents and educators don't see often enough: An auditorium packed with students on a Thursday night, many whom had urged their parents to come along, too — to see a presentation by a man who clearly had left a deep and lasting impact on their lives.

Back to the North Fork for the second time in weeks, former professional wrestler/boxer Marc Mero spoke at Southold High School Thursday night at an event hosted by Kait's Angels; the event followed presentations for students at both Southold and Greenport High Schools earlier in the day. Earlier in March, Mero gave his talk to students at Mattituck High School, also presented by Kait's Angels.

Kait's Angels, a not-for-profit organization, was organized with a mission of doing good work in honor of Kaitlyn Doorhy, from Mattituck, who died tragically at 20 after being struck by a car while away at college.

Mero — who once traveled the world with the World Wrestling Federation, meeting presidents, superstars and other internationally famous athletes, facing off with The Rock and Hulk Hogan in the ring — is now a motivational speaker who is facing off in the greatest fight of his life.

The fight to stamp out bullying and teen suicide, school violence and depression. The fight to "Make It Stop," the name of his current tour.

And speaking to the crowd of rapt students, Mero opens his heart, shares the story of his agonizingly painful memories of losing everything, even beloved family members, after he spiraled from the heights of success into the grips of drug addiction and despair.

All the money, fame and success in the world meant nothing compared to the joy he feels now, he said, in helping to save the lives of students he reaches with his life-altering presentations.

Today, Mero spends his nights not bathed in the dazzling lights of superstardom and fame — but instead, up until the wee hours, answering each and every one of the emails and letters he's received from the students whose lives he's touched.

Their letters paint an aching portrait of pain: Kids who have been on the verge of taking their own lives, with pills in their pockets and a plan to end the despair — and yet, at the last moment, hear a talk by Mero and decide to reach out, seek help, find a person to listen and to care.

Young people who decide to give living another chance.

After Thursday's presentation, Mero shared some of the letters he received after speaking to the students and parents:

"Dear Marc,

Thank you from my heart for your presentations today. My 17-year old daughter was able to hear your presentation this afternoon at Greenport High School and I was lucky to be able to attend this evening's presentation at Southold High School. I am certain you have made a difference in many students' lives but I wanted to write to you as an adult and parent to tell you, you have given me hope. Your statement about us weathering storms and to have hope that storms will pass hit my heart. I have fought depression and anxiety for years and even contemplated leaving the ones I love, thinking they would be better without me. . . Many times I wanted to give up . . . The past few weeks I have been feeling hopeless. I saw you were speaking at Mattituck High School and wanted to attend but could not get myself to. When I found out you were returning to Long Island and speaking once again, I took it as my second chance and made sure I attended tonight. I am taking it as a sign that I had the opportunity to listen to you. You have given me hope that the storms I am in will pass and things will get better."

One student wrote: "I don’t know how to say this but I haven’t been happy at all for the last six months or so. I feel insecure, depressed, and crippled with anxiety every day. I feel trapped in my own body. Some days I feel like I don’t even want to be here anymore. I was at the assembly today at Southold. I wanted to say you inspired me today. I am going through a lot. Some people on social media have called me names and I have been bullied and have had suicidal thoughts. I have a little anxiety. After you spoke I felt inspired. When I grow up I want to be a actress, singer, police officer, and a counselor. I want to help kids like you do. Now I want to be someone new."

One younger middle school student wrote: "I wanted to say 'thank you' because when you said to the audience, 'You're beautiful, talented, gifted,' it really made me feel special. I actually started crying from joy because it made me feel special. Because there have been times I've been called ugly and it's just really hard to not let the hate get to you. But hearing you say those things, it made me feel confident for once in my life."

The letters echoed a common refrain of hope, of gratitude, of new beginnings. And those whose lives were touched spanned generations. Mom Kimberlee Denicola said her sons Nicholas and Michael both asked her to attend the evening presentation and said they wanted to come hear Mero speak, again, after the talks at school. Her sons also came home, she said, and told her they loved her.

Mero read a letter to the audience, a letter he said he wished he'd written to his own mother, who died while he was off on tour. A letter that was never written, during so many bleak years when he lost his family, his wife, his wealth, his friends — everything — to the spiral of addiction.

"Hey Mom," Mero read aloud to the students. "This is a letter I wished I would have written a long time ago. I wanted you to know how much I appreciate all you have done. You weren’t the best cook, but you always had a meal for me. You weren’t the best housekeeper, but our house always looked okay. You weren’t the best at helping me with my homework, but I always got by. You worked two jobs and weren't home much, but you always had time for me. I guess what I’m trying to say Mom is ... even though I didn't take time to tell you this, you were really, really the best! I hope somehow you can hear me. I love you."

He urged kids to write letters of thanks to their own families, to the mentors who'd touched their lives — to tell the ones who mean the most that they are loved, while there is still time.

Speaking to Patch after the event, Mero explained why the event was particularly meaningful: "We worked with Kait’s Angels three weeks before this event. It was an amazing experience working with Joe and Darla Doorhy; they have such passion for these communities. We knew this would be life-changing for many students, parents and faculty members. There is no greater joy than helping another person."

Reflecting on why he shared his letter to his mother, Mero said: "I don’t ever want someone to feel the pain I felt, knowing I took for granted the very relationship I should have appreciated. Most people will fall in love and experience love but there is no love like a mom’s love. Sometimes we just don’t realize it until it’s gone. Life passes quickly and I don’t want someone to have regrets. If my mom would have had the joy to see this letter, she would have framed it and read it every day!"

During the presentation, Mero brought the audience to tears, sharing stories of his mother who, heartbroken by divorce, worked two jobs and raised her kids in a poverty stricken and drug infested neighborhood in Buffalo, his mother who sometimes cried herself to sleep — but always made time for her children, the shining lights of her life.

"The greatest gift my mother ever gave me was that she believed in me," he said.

Discussing his meteoric rise to success, Mero, a four time boxing champ, said he knows all too well the pain the students he speaks to are experiencing: "I was one of those kids. I was bullied so badly. My mother couldn't afford new clothes. We had no money." His clothes were worn and tattered, found at yard sales. "I used to beg my mother to let me stay home from school."

Still, fueled by dreams, he made his way to the USA boxing team. "I realized I was one of the best boxers in the whole country. All the dreams and goals I wrote down in my book were about to come true. I was about to become wealthy, get the speedboat, get my mother a house," he said.

Two weeks before his first professional boxing match, Mero's nose was shattered in an accident; he needed reconstructive surgery. Both he and his mom vowed he'd "be back in one year."

Despite the fact that he was on the cusp of realizing childhood dreams — dreams of a black Cadillac, a speedboat, a house for his mother, of being named Rookie of the Year — that he'd written down in a notebook he still carries with him everywhere in the world, Mero said his bad choices led to a life spinning out of control as he wrestled with drugs and alcohol addiction.

"I had free time. I couldn't train," he said. "And sometimes when we have a lot of free time we are presented with a lot of choices, and I started making life-changing bad choices. The first thing I did wrong was I started hanging out with the wrong kids, so called 'friends,' drinking, getting high, doing drugs. You show me your friends, I'll show you your future. I gave up everything I'd ever dreamed about because of who I chose to surround myself with. We are defined by our choices."

The saddest part of drug addiction, Mero said, was that the people he hurt were the ones he loved the most — the adoring little sister who wanted nothing more than to sit next to him at dinner or see him at the graduation he missed. His mother, who wanted nothing more than to talk to him when he came home at night, after a night of partying when he angrily went to his room and slammed the door. His brother, who just wanted to toss a ball with his hero.

His poor choices led to the loss of what mattered most.

However, what Kait's Angels President William Araneo said at the event about Kait's tragic death, could well describe Mero's journey: "From darkness can come goodness."

His voice somber, Mero said: "I've overdosed on three occasions where I should have been dead. I believe I was kept alive for a reason."

Eventually, he made his way back to the ring, back to worldwide success, and found a path that led to first, personal training and owning a gym, and then, to motivational speaking. His story brings auditoriums of students to tears as today, he teaches kids about how to make good choices and spreads a powerful message about anti-bullying, dreaming big and preventing suicide.

Looking back on his childhood, Mero said: "I've always been a dreamer. I dreamt of a better life for myself and my family."

Of writing those dreams in his tattered notebook, Mero said: "It's about writing your dreams and goals into existence."

The problem, Mero said, is that as a society, "We believe money and fame are the keys to happiness; the more money you have, the happier you are."

Instead, he told the students and parents in the auditorium that while many believe success is the key to happiness — happiness is the key to success.

Mero, who has always wanted to be a published author, said he was "the most unlikely guy to write a book," and yet, he succeeded. He put a Post It note on his computer in 2008 that read, "Book 2010," giving himself two years to make the dream reality.

No matter your age, it's never to late to go after your dreams, he said. "I travel all over the world, speaking at 250 events a year. Adults all say they wished they had done this, or that. Don't go through life with regrets. I meet so many people who say, 'Those were the days.' These are the days."

And so, with the clock ticking and a year to go before 2010, Mero, at 50, got busy and got his book, "How To Be The Happiest Person On the Planet," published. "I wouldn't have been a published author without that Post It note," he said. "I challenge you to write your dreams and goals into existence. Put it somewhere where you can see it. The more you see your dreams the more likely you are to take action and be accountable. Do not be defined by other people's opinions."

Most of the amazing things in his life happened later, he added; he became a professional athlete at 31, a motivational speaker at 47, an ordained minister at 52.

His most compelling dream today, he said, is to reach the scores of young people who are hurting. "I want you to know that you are not alone and you matter," he said. Abuse, depression, anxiety, campus violence abound. "We have to make it stop," he said.

While as a young boy, he was bullied, when he went home, the bullying stopped. Today, he said, with social media and the internet, kids are reading horrible things about themselves 24/7: "You're ugly. You're stupid. You should die."

Mero shared one mother's personal agony of her son's suicide; she missed a call for help from another person trying to save him, by just minutes. "We will never recover from this," she said, sobbing. "Never."

Mero told students that they can never know what another is feeling. Maybe they have a broken heart, are dealing with divorced parents, had to put down a beloved family pet.

Bullying, he said, can be deadly. "Your words can kill," Mero said.

He wants desperately for kids to realize their beauty, talents, gifts, potential. But no matter how true those things may be, if students are told they are ugly, stupid, worthless, the effects can be life-ending. "When you hear something enough times, that becomes your reality," he said.

Mero's message is one of hope. "Everybody hurts. Everybody cries. I tell students every day, if you feel like giving up, hold on."

He may have had money, homes, cars and a star-studded career, but success meant nothing stacked up to what he'd lost, Mero said. Tragically, his mother died while he was in Japan on tour, his sister passed away from cancer, his little brother, from a tragic fall. Mero said he would give anything to toss a ball to his brother, sit next to his sister at dinner, talk to his beloved mother, just one more time.

"I had millions but I was so empty. I've learned that making a living is not the same as making a life. You want to be happy?" he asked. "Make someone else happy."

And to teens who are struggling, Mero offered a life-saving message of hope: "Hang on. Don't let go. Don't give up. The best chapters of your life are about to be written. You are the author of your story. Write the new pages."

When the presentation ended, Mero took the time to meet each and every one of the long line of students, look them in the eyes, listen to their stories, hear their words and validate their importance and value, autography photos, wrap a reassuring arm around their shoulders and give them a hug.

Next up, Mero might be coming back to Riverhead High School at an event hosted, once again, by Kait's Angels. "It’s amazing to be onstage and look around the auditorium and see so many people inspired by this one hour event. There was laughter, tears and everything in between. I have no doubt we will make a huge impact on Riverhead. I can’t wait to return!" he said.

For additional information on Marc Mero's "Champion of Choices" anti-bullying program, click here.

(All photos by Lisa Finn).