Fathers Day is a time for pancakes, the Strawberry Festival, Frisbee and giving dad a break. What does dad need a break from? He needs a break from having to be right all the time. He needs a break from other people thinking it’s his job to be right all the time. Most of all, he needs a break from feeling like he’s caught in the middle: If he’s too decisive he’s a tyrant, and if he gives people an inch, sometimes they take a mile.
So give dad a break. Appreciate him as an awesome human being, but don’t put him up on too high a pedestal. Then you’ll have to knock him down. Give your dad some breathing room, some room to grow. Yes, fathers can grow if we let them.
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If you’re a teenager, here’s a great gift for your dad: ask him what he thinks about something…and then be interested in what he says. If you are really interested, and don’t disagree with him or shoot him down, he may surprise you.
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Fathers are human beings that other people have big expectations for. An expectation is a resentment waiting to happen, particularly with dads. Sometimes they feel like they have to provide everything, and they feel bad when they can’t, and feel worse when they have to say no.
What about the father that isn’t there? The one who’s too busy, skipped out on the family, or is missing in action on the barstool. Tough to give a break to a dad like that. This is where you can really get to a new level of growth: imagine your dad feels guilty for not being there, and you could forgive him.
Then turn your thoughts toward someone who taught you how to do something, or sat with you when you were afraid, or encouraged you to do something you didn’t think you could ever do. Might have been someone else’s dad, a coach or a scout leader. Might have been a grandfather. So today, do yourself a favor—Give your dad a break!
Susan Dingle LCSW CASAC is a therapist/counselor/master coach in private practice with adolescents and adults on the North Fork. For more information or to arrange an appointment, please call 631-734-8658.
