Wife, Minister Who's Performed More than 1,000 Weddings Share Keys to Happy Marriage

NORTH FORK, NY-Carl Weaver, a Lutheran pastor, has officiated at more than 1,000 weddings —and his wife of 58 years, Marilyn, a teacher, has shared the journey.

“I’ve done weddings on the beach in winter, hospitals, lighthouses, at catering halls, at churches and with rabbis,” he said.

But the wedding that’s set the foundation for all that was to come is Carl’s own union with his beloved wife Marilyn; the couple, both 84, met when she was living in Toledo, Ohio and Carl, just out of seminary school, was hired as assistant pastor at her church, where she ran the youth group.

“I was single, a teacher in the public school, and all the members of the congregation decided we should be together.” She smiled at the memory of the mischievous matchmakers.

But Cupid hit his mark and the two soon fell in love. “We had our wedding at that church,” Carl said.

Some of the wedding gifts, including beautiful silver pieces, still dot the couple’s living room in the apartment at Peconic Landing in Greenport; the couple just moved to the retirement community in October from their home in Southold, just a few minutes down the road.

The wedding, he said, “would pale” in comparison to today’s lavish events. “It was in the gym of the church, and there was punch, coffee, and tea. No buffet.”

But the trappings meant little in the face of true love, and the wedding sparked a lifetime love story.

A Passport to Happiness

Carl, a pastor since 1956, and Marilyn traveled to Europe often. Having first tasted the wonders of world travel while in high school, he was struck by wanderlust.

“I was smitten. I thought, ‘I have to go back,’” he said.

Carl applied to a travel company in New York and found a job as a tour leader, a post that afforded him the opportunity to see farflung destinations across Europe.

After they married, Carl and Marilyn led youth tours together, traversing Europe on bicycles, buses, trains and by plane.

One memorable trip over took place about an “old Dutch government ship,” Carl said. “The propellor fell off in the middle of the ocean. It was an old ship, you could hear creaking sounds, like a basket.”

Laughing, the couple recalled the experience, explaining that despite the passage of time, traveling with college-aged students hasn’t changed all that much, with chaperoning not always an easy task.

Carl and Marilyn did, however, have to travel in separate cabins. “I was booked by a Dutch minister and we were in the first class section. She was down in steerage.” They laughed.

The pair met some famous young people on the journeys, including Joe Dimaggio Jr. and Vincent Price’s son, as well as other notables in the film, aviation and oil industries.

Originally moving to Lake Ronkonkoma, their family grew: They have two sons and are proud grandparents.

Travel, however, has remained a touchstone for the forever valentines, who still dream of planning new trips in the months ahead. Marilyn has some medical issues to take care of first, but after that, they’d love to fly back to visit France.

Organizing adventures, Marilyn said, was a tenet of their longtime relationship. “We were always planning something — there was a lot of planning. We were always doing something, and traveling a lot took a lot of research.”

The two even share tips for travel — they always save up for airfare first, then managed to plan their itinerary on a budget. “We wouldn’t stay in exotic places,” they said, opting instead to rent a cottage or an apartment for a week in a European city.

Keys to A Happy Marriage

Leaving space for one another to grow individually is key, Marilyn said.

Carl agreed. “You have to accept one another’s differences.”

And, Marilyn said, “you can’t make an all out war” over issues but instead, need to be able to work together.

“You have to be able to see both sides, to agree you don’t like something but that you can still work things out,” Carl said.

Their shared passion for travel, as well as enjoying everyday pleasures such as going out to eat and to to the opera, keeps the couple close.

Both are involved in their own local groups and activities: Carl is active with the Southold Historical Society and Horton Point Lighthouse, as well as a French conversational group at the Mattituck-Laurel Library.

Marilyn enjoys the Southold Town Garden Club as well as an area women’s group. Both enjoy supporting the local arts scene, including the North Fork Community Theatre and Greenport’s Northeast Stage, which produces Shakespeare in the Park at Mitchell Park each year.

The pair look to one another often, laughing, with Marilyn gently fixing her husband’s hair before a photo.

“Marilyn has the artistic side,” he said. Gesturing to all of their beautiful figurines and artwork, along with many remembrances of trips, he said proudly, “She takes all of this and arranges it.”

Words of Wisdom

To new couples just starting out, the pair shares a lifetime of wisdom.

“You will not know everything for a long time,” Marilyn said. “It’s a risk.”

Carl nodded. “Be ready for development and change.”

“And the surprises — they’re going to be there,” Marilyn added.

Both agreed they’ve been blessed, with no major storms to weather.

Laughter means a lot, the lovebirds agreed. “We both have a sense of humor,” Marilyn said.

Flexibility is another hallmark of their relationship, Carl said.

“If something annoys us, we tell each other,” she said.

As the pair stood for a photo, she smoothed his hair as they looked lovingly into one another’s eyes, laughing as they posed.

“Is this my good side?” Carl joked, his arm placed tightly around his wife’s shoulders, the pair holding one another close, just as they have done for a lifetime.