Cultivate Self Compassion with Yoga Practice

May I be at peace

May I be compassionate and loving to myself and others

May I be strong

This mantra, (a thought or prayer repeated with full understanding of its meaning) has had a powerful affect on me lately.  Initially, I began practicing it by just saying it in my mind -  before or after my asana (yoga postures) practice, or sometimes while holding an asana or for an extended period of time.  Then, I began to vocalize this mantra during practice and meditation.

WOW.

Vocalizing these words was harder than I thought it would be.  As I said  "May I be loving and compassionate to myself," my throat constricted- talk about your body talking back to ya. It surprised me but also opened the path to a new journey- to learn that it is important to take care of myself, just as much as it is to take care of my kids, husband, and others. Although this is something I teach on a regular basis, I didn't realize I was avoiding it myself.  It made me come face to face with a struggle that I had overlooked. I needed to face this challenge.

The practice of self-compassion is caring, healing, being happy and healthy. It is also knowing that you may have to make a change to achieve this. The Yoga Sutra of Patanjali, a seminal text in yoga, has a passage that reminds us that one is able to overcome negative patterns one step at a time. It won't happen overnight.  But, if you are gentle with yourself and accept setbacks with compassion, you can change your life for the better.

When I am gentle with myself, and accept my setbacks with care and compassion. I find my greatest source of strength to move forward and succeed.  New scientific research is giving this ancient wisdom credence and showing that, when it comes to making a change, self-compassion is your greatest source of strength. Patanjali, the great yoga sage reminds us that everyone suffers and struggles on the path to self-transformation.

This doesn't mean its ok to berate myself when I lose my patience with my kids or my husband, miss my morning practice or eat a huge bowl of gluten-free brownies and dairy free ice cream (we all have our weaknesses). When I do this, it sets me back even more and makes me less likely to succeed.

Research confirms that mindful self-reflection helps you make a positive change, while beating yourself up often turns a minor setback into a major relapse. For instance- "oh, no, I just used my credit card!  easily and almost instantly spirals into well then, I guess its OK to get these shoes, clothes for the kids, and a little something for Rob...

Believe it or not, its a common pattern - we are not alone!  According to Kelly McGonigal's article Nurture the New You, this behavioral pattern has been given the deserving name, the: what-the-hell effect. When you falter is not the problem, but the drama that you create after it --buying all the extra clothes and feeling guilty because you are unable to buy groceries for the rest of the week and have to put THAT on the credit card! --You are tempted to turn for comfort to the exact thing you are trying to quit, stop, or give up a goal so you don't have to feel bad about failing.

When we practice self-compassion, our sense of personal responsibility is increased and we don't trigger the guilt and self blame when we take a self-critical approach to change. With self compassion we are fueled with strength to care for ourselves despite the temptation to succumb to the old habit.  You don't have to feel bad about yourself to make a change. And you don't have to give up.

When you try harder to reach for your goal, you will become naturally more tolerant of your own imperfections. As you work towards this, your mind will become clearer, and your heart more at peace.  These are natural steps towards striving towards your higher Self

There is a passage of compassion in the Yoga Sutra 1.33:

Maitri karuna mudita upeksanam sukha duhkha punya apunya visayanam bhavanatah cittaprasadanam

This sutra advises us to cultivate love for those who are happy, compassion for those who are suffering, joy for those who are virtuous, and equanimity for those who make mistakes. The great sage Patanjali's advice also applies to how we relate to ourselves -  cultivate self-compassion by including the yoga sutra above or the meditation below in your own practice.

May I be at peace

May I be compassionate and loving to myself and others

May I be strong

Namaste

Elisha Fernandes Simpson CKYT, RYT, aka laughing hearts yoga  teaches family, mommy and me, kids (ages 7 -18) yoga and organizes free bi-weekly yoga classes for people with breast cancer. Become a friend on Facebook's laughing hearts yoga page.

Mommy and me on Thursdays and family yoga on April 15th in Peekskill at Pilates on Hudson! See laughingheartsyoga.com for more information!