17 Ways to Create More Clarity in Your Life

If you are feeling a general sense of dissatisfaction in your life or experiencing some kind of challenge, gaining clarity about the direction your life is taking would be oh-so helpful during this time. After all, isn’t it better to be able to steer your own ship instead of having it battered about by the weather and tides?  But how do you create clarity when things seem so muddled?

If you lack clarity in your life, you will receive subtle and not-so-subtle hints that something needs to be resolved.  Oftentimes, your body is the first to clue you in to what may be going on for you internally.  Do you get frequent headaches?  Feel tired?  Unmotivated?  Are you overweight?  Struggle with an addiction?  These are clues to something deeper that is going on, barring any serious medical condition.

During my (Nicole's) marriage I underwent periods of sadness, times when I was overweight, migraines, and all kinds of symptoms that looked like any other over-worked stay-at-home mother of three.  However, what many failed to realize, including myself, was that I was married to a man who could not love me, and I was desperately unhappy in my marriage.  I could not admit that our relationship was not working and I constantly battled to keep that under the surface instead of admitting it.  I experienced a chronic dissatisfaction within, but I had no real clarity in which to name what I was going through.  To most mental health and medical professionals, it looked like it could be solved by a prescription.  I sought out marriage counselors hoping to save my marriage–always searching for the answers outside of myself.  I can’t tell you how many self-help books I’ve read over the years, how many workshops I’ve been to, and how many cd’s I’ve listened to hoping to find the answer out there, somewhere.  It took me a long time to realize that we are smart, very smart.  Intuitively we all know what is going on for us.

In hindsight, I wish I had the clarity to see that my marriage was not meant to be and that I’d be living a better life without trying to hide from my pain.  It can be hard to acknowledge when something is not working.  Change can be really scary.  However, what is the cost of not changing?  What is the cost of staying in pain, or being dissatisfied with a gnawing feeling that something isn’t right?  We seek so much to hold on, to clench our fists tighter, never realizing that to let go would be so much better in the end.  Think of all the tension that goes into holding on–the stress, weight gain, sadness, the fatigue, the dis-ease.  What if you let go, and allowed clarity to come into your life?  What if you asked yourself what is really going on for you?  What is the one question that deep down you really know the answer to but you’re too afraid to ask?  For me, the question “Is this marriage really right for me?” if it were answered honestly, would have saved me years of unhappiness and displeasure.

I believe that we were born into this life, not to suffer, but to be happy.  We do this by living life to its fullest, embracing who we are as human beings by working to fully actualize our potential in life.  We aren’t meant to settle for good–we’re meant to be GREAT!  We are meant to be living a life of love, of connection, of contribution, meaning, and fulfillment.  We are meant to be living a life that is authentic to us, free of the constraints of what society or our families, friends, religions, cultures, jobs–anything that goes against our nature to be who we are meant to be.

In this process of self-actualization, I don’t advocate harming another person or yourself.  I advocate living by your Truth.  Ask yourself, how would you like to be living a year from now?  How about 5 years from now, or even 5 days from now?

The following list is meant to be a starting place for you to regain some clarity in your life; clarity about who you are and where you are headed in life.

1. Acceptance.  Accept that there is no clarity for the moment, but trust that things will work out for the best.
2. Meditate.  Take some time to be still everyday.  After the stillness, there is often great clarity.
3. Choose.  Sometimes you have to make a decision and go for it.  Decide and do.
4. Research. Take some time to research which options might be the best for you.
5. Write.  Write down the pros and cons of your dilemma. Write in a stream of consciousness for 20 minutes each day until you begin to feel clearer. 
6. Play.  Take some time to have fun. Having fun allows you to let go of the stress.
7. Take a hot shower or bath.   Many people gain clarity when they are taking a shower or bath.  This is a time that our minds think about other things, and in this mode, it is easier for the mind to relax and let go.
8. Do something different.  Go a different way to work.  Shake things up a bit.  A change of scenery helps to break the tension and your single-minded focus on what’s going on in your life.
9. Talk it over with a coach or therapist.  There’s nothing like an outside perspective–especially from someone who has the knowledge and background to do so.
10. Gain perspective.  Imagine yourself on a cloud, and you/they are giving you advice.  What would they say to you?
11. Imagine. Project yourself int the future on your deathbed.  What would your future self say to you?
12. Go for a walk.  As a huge fan of EMDR, I believe in the power of bilateral stimulation–and walking is using both sides of your body. As you walk, think of a positive mantra or word to repeat to yourself.
13. Breathe.  Pay attention to your breathing.  Take at least 3 deep, soulful breaths.  Do more if you have the time.  For each inhale, breathe in positivity and clarity.  For each exhale, breathe out the negativity.  Visualize a cloud around you.  With each exhale, imagine the cloud dissipating–you are blowing it away.
14. Check in with yourself.  Is fear holding you back?  Can you push past your fears?
15. Say the Truth.  What is the truth in this situation?  What is the one thing you cannot say?
16. Name your values.  Make sure you are aware of what your values are.  Are you living in harmony with them?  Do you walk your talk?
17. Listen to a meditation/hypnosis download.  Often, if you break the grip of the ego consciousness, you can access the subconscious and your intuitive brain.  Deep down your spirit knows what it needs to live a happy and peaceful life.