1. Standing on my head gives me an instant face, butt and leg lift.
2. No one told me hair was going to grow there.
3.The First Law of Aging is... anything that can sag will sag.
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4. If I hang out w/older people I will always be young(er).
5. I always dreamed of having DD size boobs but no one told me one would grow under my chin.
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6. I can't remember #6.
7. Women don't get older, only blonder.
8. At 50, good hair is to women what the sportscar is to men, just a lot cheaper.
9. At the salon the other day, my 20-something hairstylist was instructing me on how to use the blow-dryer. I wanted so badly to say, "Honey, I have been twirling blow-dryers between hot and cold settings before you ever had your first Happy Meal." But instead, I sat with wide eyed wonder and said, "'Really? can you also show me how to use that diffuser thingy?"
10. My smile is melting. I have to re-learn how to smile, and this is just sad. My daughter tells me, "mom, let me take your picture...1...2...3...ok, smile!...smile mom...no, I said smile"
I answer 'but I am smiling".
She shows me the camera shot and I look like Faye Dunaway portraying Joan Crawford in Mommy Dearest. Nothing more than a pensive grin. So I smile as big as I can for another shot and omg. It's true. I am not smiling! My smile is melting down my face. Thank you Sarah for pointing this out. I am now doing facial exercises to improve this. No, I haven't had a stroke... I'm just turning 50.
