Community Rallies For Sign Warning Not To Drive Under Influence

FLANDERS, NY — Residents are set to turn out Sunday in support of signs in Flanders urging motorists not to drive under the influence or text and drive; the signs stand as a testament to two beloved family members lost — and to a little girl left motherless by one of the crashes.

On Sunday, a rally, We Stand With Kadence And The Tocci Family Signs, is planned for 10 a.m. until noon; those participating will gather by the sign on Flanders Road, a half-mile east of the Big Duck in Flanders.

Resident Susan Tocci advocated for the signs after her sister Barbara Tocci was killed in a head-on crash on Flanders Road in 2014; shortly after, Barbara Tocci's son's fiance, Hayley Riggins, who was on her motorcycle, was killed in a crash involving a driver allegedly driving under the influence of drugs, according to police reports.

One sign, on Tocci's property, says "Save A Life: Do Not Text And Drive," with the years of Barbara Tocci's life, 1966 to 2014.

The other, on Flanders Road, shows Hayley holding her infant daughter and says: "Kadence Will Grow Up Without Her Mom: Do Not Drive Under The Influence. Hayley Riggins, 1987 to 2014."

After some residents complained about the signs, many turned out in support of the Tocci family and the signs.

"We will be gathering together on July 25 at 10 a.m. to support my family and our right to display a sign that spreads awareness and love on our property. Signs that mean everything to our family and our friends. One sign, in particular, that means the world to a little girl who sees that sign as memorial for her mother who was tragically taken way too soon," Tocci said on the Facebook page announcing the event. "Both signs help spread awareness to two ongoing problems on our roadways, and in our society.

"We cannot understand how anyone can have a problem with these signs, or why they feel it's so important to have them taken down, but we would like the opportunity to show everyone how much they mean to us. They are not obstructing any views, they are not a distraction and they are on private property and well back from the roadway," she said.

She added that the event would be a peaceful demonstration.

"We are a family in this community and we feel each other's pain. We will be there to comfort each other, pray for those affected by wrong choices and show the few who think the signs need to go that they are, in fact, more necessary than ever," she said.

In addition, a petition "Keep the Sign on 24 in Flanders/Southampton Town" was created by Marie Raffa.

"For awareness and to promote safety in our community, the Tocci family has erected a sign to commemorate the loss of a sister, daughter, mother who was killed by a distracted driver and someone driving under the influence," she wrote. "The sign honors a young child's mother who was taken away too soon, but it also is a reminder to all who drive our local roads to be vigilant and to obey the laws. Do not text and drive. Do not drink and drive. The sign is not offensive and is welcomed by a majority of the people in the area and those who travel these roads. We ask the Town of Southampton and the people of the Flanders community to support the sign and let it be."

Tocci said she is disappointed in those complaining about the sign. One woman, she said, has said, "Do we have to live with these obnoxious signs forever?"

Tocci added: "I find her comments much more obnoxious than a sign meant to save lives. Her opinion, that these types of memorials are what a cemetery is for, is just that — her opinion — but the majority of our community stands up with my family as we all try to keep each other safe and prevent another tragedy."

Tocci said her father was released from the hospital because he didn't want to miss the rally Sunday and "he is thrilled by all the support. How amazing that we had over 1000 signatures in two days. Keep sharing and together we can help save lives," she said.

To those that may have complained about the signs, Tocci said: "We are family here, we help others when needed, and in return, they help you. There's some with plenty of money and some without any, we have every race, religion, and different political views —but in the end, we are family. My great-niece Kadence is sixth-generation here in God's country, as we like to refer to our neighborhood, and my dad is jokingly referred to as the honorary mayor. These numbers show what our community wants, so please stop talking for us."

The signs had stood for years but recently, as she was set to drop Kadence off at school, Tocci said a situation arose that brought the child to tears.

Kadence was set to receive a student of the month award but ended up saying, "This was supposed to be a good day and it's the worst!" Tocci said.

As they were headed down the driveway, they were met by three Southampton Town code enforcement officers, Tocci said. "All were pleasant, professional, and helpful, yet they were there with the issue of the sign. Kadence burst into tears, once again."

Tocci suspects some disgruntled community members may have complained about the signs but as of yet, no one has vocalized opposition publically.

The bottom line, she said, was that Kadence, who lost her mother, was upset to see the officers discussing the signs.

"This poor child is holding on to the safety message, so nobody loses their mom like she did," Tocci said.

To whoever lodged a complaint, Tocci said they should come forward: "Maybe you can act like adults and call me instead of continuing to bully a child. You would think my sign was in your neighborhood, the way the complaining continues. Hope you're thrilled you ruined a child's day, yet again, but do not think that this is over yet. The message is to 'save lives.'"

Tocci added that with all the "actual violations in the area," people are questioning a sign, on her own property, that is "nothing more than a public service message. What harm is caused by telling people not to drive under the influence or not to text and drive? I am convinced that this is nothing other than a personal vendetta that someone has for me."

Even after reading the town code, Tocci said she doesn't believe her signage is in violation. "To take it even further, I'd say that this is a violation of my 1st Amendment right to free speech! There's no vulgarity of any type on my signs, it's simply a reminder that lives were lost due to carelessness. With all the problems that plague our neighborhood, I find it very hard to believe that the town would devote such effort to get me to remove my sign." she said.

Issues such as overcrowding in homes, crime, and other problems loom large, Tocci said.

"Perhaps we would all be better served if the town started addressing those issues first, and then once that's taken care of, they could look into whether or not someone is in violation for having a sign on their property."

Kadence, who lives with her father, spends a lot of time with Tocci. Seeing the child brought to tears, Tocci said, was painful.

"She actually made me cry," she said.

Kadence, she said, has had to learn about the impacts of impaired and distracted driving at far too young an age.

"It's terrible this is how she visits her mommy and grandma," she said, pointing to a photo of Kadence hugging the headstone where her grandmother is laid to rest.