On Her Birthday, LI Teen Whose Ex Is Accused In Her Death, Celebrates Her Life: 'She Is Teaching Us Now'

SAYVILLE, NY — Wearing pink and wrapping their arms around one another in support, a crowd filled the Sayville Congregational United Church of Christ Thursday night at a gathering held to celebrate the life of Emily Finn, who police said was killed by her former boyfriend in Nesconset in November.

Pink flowers were placed at the front of the church alongside a photo of Emily's bright, smiling face — a beautiful young woman with an expansive future yet to unfold.

The event, "A Community Witness For A Safer Tomorrow," was held to mark Domestic Violence Awareness Month — and held on what would have been Emily's 19th birthday.

The evening began with an opening by Rev. Kate Kelly. "We gather tonight to bear witness, to honor the lives affected by domestic violence — to listen to one another, to affirm that every person deserves to live in safety, in dignity and in peace," she said.

Kelly added: "This evening is about more than remembering. It's about our responsibility to one another — our willingness to listen and our commitment to building communities where violence is neither excused nor ignored."

Rev. Kelly introduced Emily's mother, Clia Miller-Finn. "A mother whose life was forever changed on November 26, 2025, when her precious daughter Emily was killed by her former boyfriend," she said.

October 15 should have dawned so very, very differently, Rev. Kelly said.

"Tonight is especially poignant, because today would have been Emily's 19th birthday. A day that should have been filled with celebration is, instead, a day of remembrance, of love, and a determination that Emily's story will not be done."

In the months since Emily's death, Miller-Finn, she said, has transformed grief into commitment and change.

Through the Emily Finn Foundation, she is working to raise awareness about domestic violence, gun safety, mental health issues, "and the protection of all of our young people," Rev. Kelly said. "Clia, none of us would have ever wished this responsibility upon you, but we are profoundly grateful that you have chosen to share your story. So tonight we stand with you, not only in remembrance of Emily, but in our shared determination to build a world in which love never becomes violent. Where boundaries are respected — and everyone is safe."

Emily's mother stood before the crowd, symbolizing a portrait of strength in the midst of a storm no parent should have to endure.

"Thank you for all for being here," she said. "Emily has always loved to get everyone together. What better day than on her birthday, to share what her life meant and to share what I feel strongly that she wants young people to know."

Opening her heart, Miller-Finn said her daughter's loss has impacted not just their devastated family, but the entire community.

And, she said: "It's been an education that we all did not expect, to learn that our children's lives now are very different."

Emily, her mother said, wanted to become an elementary school teacher. "I feel strongly that she is teaching us now, speaking to us and shedding a light on what we need to do, to work better as a community and get ahead of so many things."

The world, Miller-Finn added, is a different place today. "Our children's lives are very different, with dangers posed that parents often have no knowledge of. The digital world is completely different than when we were raised," she said.

As parents, Miller-Finn said, there are unknowns that many never even knew existed, threats to their children that simmered under social media exchanges and hidden texts and conversations.

"There's an education that's needed on so many levels," she said. "Emily was studying to be a teacher and I really feel strongly that it's her calling to shed some light on many things, because her case is very unique when we talk about domestic violence."

Her daughter, she said, "was never hit."

There was never any visible evidence of abuse, Miller-Finn said — and all communication took place on the types of social media platforms where conversations disappear or become hidden, she added.

"This is a space where you can hide things," she said. "This is a very common thing right now. We need to pay attention because it's it's really dangerous."

And, she said: "We need to shed light on the fact that abuse is learned, and it can be changed. We need to shed light on it to get ahead of it so that these patterns aren't rooted at a young age."

Carrying her daughter's mission forward, Miller-Finn said she's been speaking at schools, with students and educators, and with mental health professionals — and has seen critical truths emerge.

"There's a disconnect," Miller-Finn said. "We've spent months talking working with educators and mental health professionals, talking about, 'How did we get here?' And everybody says the same thing: 'There's a disconnect'. And we need to find the way to bring those connections back," through education, emotional awareness, and art, she said.

Emily, she said, was a dancer. "In her college essay, she said it best: She said dancing helped her to regulate her emotions. It was her safe place, her happy place."

She added: "Anyone who knew her, she was very steady, the most steady person.
She connected with everyone."

And even after her death, her mother said, those connections have only continued to flourish.

"People have come out the woodwork," she said. "The support we have had from this community is unbelievable. I've received calls, letters, messages, emails, from people all over the country, wanting to connect through her story — which is amazing — there is an amazing journey in it."

And, Miller-Finn said: "There's a reason for that, and I feel we need to use that, just keep the momentum going. I feel very strongly that she's making a difference already."

Through telling Emily' story, Miller-Finn said already, change has been seen. She said she's encountered two cases of friends who have daughters, who have told them of similar situations. "But now, friends intervened, where normally they would have minded their own business and went about their day."

Instead, the young men involved were able to receive help and the young women, to avoid potentially dangerous situations.

But education is key, she said.

"I'm 51 years old and I had never heard that leaving an abusive relationship is often the most dangerous time," Miller-Finn said. "And now that is something I cannot unhear — it is something I couldn't believe I didn't know firsthand."

Young people today, she said, "are connecting on so many other levels, and they're learning really important things — but when they're not talking about relationships."

Education needs to center on friendships, connections, boundaries, and on having conversations about the dangers of the digital space, too, Miller-Finn said.

"Whatever happened in real life needs to translate on your phone," she said; someone shouldn't feel free to say things on a phone that they would not say in person, she added.

"That's been a big lesson because kids hide behind screens," Miller-Finn said. "It's very easy to become emboldened behind something — when no one sees your face," she said.

Teen dating violence was something Emily's family had never even imagined, Miller-Finn said.

"They didn't live together," she said. "They were hundreds of miles away; Emily was in college."

Her daughter and Austin Lynch, charged after her death, had been dating since they were 14, she said.

"It's teen dating violence, and it's something you didn't talk about, didn't think existed."

That's why the need for the Emily Finn Foundation is critical, Miller-Finn said.

"Our foundation's action items include helping victims of intimate partner/domestic violence, providing mental health crisis support, and working toward logical gun safety reform and owner accountability," the organization's website states.

"As a foundation, we're going to focus on the things that we're learning in the breakdown of Emily's story and connect the dots where they're missing," Miller-Finn said. "The building blocks. The kids, when they're young — when you see someone struggling to be included, to really start to pay attention and have conversations about the mental health of your friends, if you feel they're struggling — not to just ignore it."

She added: "We'll get the resources, so young people are not afraid to seek help on a professional level. If you have a common cold or a broken bone, you need help — and our mental health critical."

There is a need to talk about "big emotions," Miller-Finn said. "They have to be comfortable with them, so it's going to be a really important conversation among the elementary school kids to the middle school. That way, by the time they're in these relationships in high school and college, they have some strong foundation, will have boundaries and be able to manage that digital space — because the reality is we can't keep up with the technology. 
Once we think we understand them, there's another platform."

On social media platforms where conversations just disappear, "there are no consequences, and there is no accountability, in that space," she said. "It's a breeding ground for really terrible things — and we need to call those big companies accountable."

And, Miller-Finn said: "We're starting to see the devastating results from this technology. Our generation of children has been at the beginning of things that we didn't have growing up. We're learning as parents — and that's why the foundation is critical. Because we can really supplement what the schools are responding to, with education. There are important lessons to be learned that we'd love to be able to share, to foster the arts and anything to help a child connect with their emotions — and to give them resources. To make them feel comfortable, feel safe to speak out, and not just to a trusted adult. We need the professionals."

Had she only known what was unfolding, Miller-Finn said there were important conversations that could have taken place at the dining room table. "We didn't know what had been happening," Miller-Finn said. "What patterns. It's important to teach them about manipulation, control, jealousy — to see the red flags when it's not normal. And that it can't stay hidden."

Bevin Llanes, whose daughter Meghan, 27, was killed in a domestic violence incident in 2021, also spoke; Bevin is the president of the Intimate Partner/ Domestic Violence Survivor Advisory Board for ECLI-VIBES.

"When it comes to domestic violence, we have to change the conversation," she said.

Her daughter was killed in October, Domestic Violence Awareness Month, Llanes said.

Llanes said Gabby Petito, Emily Finn and her own daughter mark three young women from Long Island who died as a result of domestic violence in less than five years.

"Three daughters, three families, three lives that should still be here," she said.

Llanes said change needs to take place, with "prevention through education imperative. We must educate our children early, and we must continue those conversations as they grow in age, appropriately. One conversation is not enough. We have to keep talking. Keep teaching. Keep showing our children what healthy relationships are — and what they do not look like."

She added that the Emily Finn Foundation is critically needed.

"As a mother who has lost her daughter to domestic violence and was summoned to advocacy, I know how important it is to make sure people are heard, believed, and treated with compassion. We need prevention; we need education. We need support for survivors. 
And we need communities willing to have difficult conversations. Conversations that could save lives."

Statistics, she said, reveal a staggering truth: "Studies show that one in seven high school students experiences intimate partner violence," she said. "Among adults, it's one of every three women, and one in six men who experience intimate partner violence. . . We have the power to change those numbers with conversation, education, and action, and we need to. We can no longer avoid this topic because it makes people uncomfortable. Domestic violence does not discriminate. It does not care about your social or economic background, your gender or religion, your political party, or anything else."

Llanes said: "We cannot bring our daughters back. 
We cannot undo what happened to them, but we can decide what happens next. We can educate our children; we can speak openly about the warning signs of abuse. We can support survivors instead of questioning them. We can stand besides families navigating the unimaginable — and we can demand better."

And, she said: "I wish none of this had a reason to be here tonight. I wish Meghan, Gabby and Emily were here, but they cannot be here, so we have to be their voices. We have to carry their stories forward. We have to make sure their lives and their legacies help protect someone else's child. Our daughters deserve that. Our children deserve that."

A physician also spoke, to ensure that the public was aware of the 988 emotional support hotline, as well as the 211 social emergency hotline.

Pamela Greinke, the executive director of Hope and Resilience Long Island in Riverhead, also spoke. She said her organization was named for one of her clients, Hope, who "sadly, is no longer with us, and also lost her life in October."

She added: "There are resources available for people who need help, need guidance — just need someone to talk to, because they are trying to figure it all out."

Speaking with Miller-Finn after the event, she told Patch that on Emily's birthday, there were also other tributes from the community for her daughter.

"Her elementary school, Cherry Avenue Elementary in West Sayville, honored Emily with a beautiful assembly with the entire school and they invited all the parents. Their music teacher, Mr. West, wrote a song for Emily, that over 400 children sang to us all dressed in pink, and it was absolutely, unbelievably moving," she said.

"They will now adopt that as their official Cherry Ave. school song. Then, the American Ballet Studio, Emily’s second home and dance studio, performed two dances, one of them to a song that was specifically written for Emily by one of her cousins. We were outside under the sunshine and a sea of pink with 500 pink pinwheels surrounding us and a beautiful banner with all little pink handprints on it from the pre-K children, and it was just so moving and touching to see them honor and remember her like this."

Next, Miller-Finn said, there was a bench unveiling at the Common Ground/Gillette Park.

"They put a beautiful bronze plaque on a brand-new bench, replacing an old one, that the Town of Islip donated to us and dedicated to Emily. We gathered there with family and friends just before sunset and held and unveiling and special ceremony to honor my daughter. Again, it was deeply moving and touching to see over 75 people show up for that. Then we walked over to the church for the beautiful service they held, and I could not be more grateful for what this community put together to help myself in our family get through a very difficult day. We are grateful and blessed Emily was celebrated and I am certain she is making these moments happen so we can make a difference."

She added: "Our community is truly one of the best. Emily grew up being very involved here and absolutely loved her town and family and friends."

Lynch was indicted on a second-degree murder charge in the killing of his ex-girlfriend, who prosecutors say was shot in the back of the head inside his home the day before Thanksgiving.

Lynch, 18, was arraigned on the indictment on Dec. 4 and ordered held without bail, Suffolk County District Attorney Ray Tierney said.

Emily Finn, also 18, of Sayville, was a freshman at SUNY Oneonta studying early childhood education. Lynch had remained on Long Island and planned to begin Marine boot camp in February, the DA said.

According to investigators, Emily Finn went to Lynch’s home on Shenandoah Boulevard North on the morning of Nov. 26 to speak with him in person about the end of their three-and-a-half-year relationship.

The pair began dating at age 14, the DA said. Two weeks before Thanksgiving, she ended the relationship, and Lynch allegedly became obsessive — calling and texting repeatedly, the DA said. When blocked his number, Lynch reportedly called from a family member’s phone and continued reaching out across social media, Tierney said.

Witnesses told investigators that Lynch was upset, angry, and voiced multiple times that he wanted to kill himself, the DA said.

At about 9:50 a.m. on November 26, Emily Finn arrived at Lynch’s home while visiting from college for the holiday break, the DA said.

As she prepared to leave the house, Lynch took a family-owned shotgun and shot her in the back of the head at point-blank range, the DA said. He then turned the gun on himself, severely injuring his face, Tierney said.

Lynch’s parents heard the gunfire and ran inside from the backyard; his father called 911 and reported that his son had shot his girlfriend and then himself, the DA said.

When officers and paramedics arrived, Emily Finn was found dead with her car keys still in her hand, her purse beside her, and her coat on, the DA said. Lynch was found bleeding heavily and was taken to Stony Brook University Hospital, where he was treated for facial fractures and a cranial leak, Tierney said.

Lynch was arraigned on Dec. 4 before Judge Philip Goglas on a charge of second-degree murder, a Class A felony, the DA said. He was ordered held without bail, Tierney added.

If convicted, Lynch faces 25 years to life in prison, the DA said.

In September, he was declared competent to stand trial, according to CBS.

He is represented by attorney William Wexler, who did not immediately respond for comment.