Not My Kid

The scary truth about suicide in teens and young adults!

Some people will tell me that their teenage years were the best years of their life but for most (including myself), this is not the case. You could not pay me any amount of money to go back to high school! It was a time I recall (and what I do remember is blurry at best) feeling lost, insecure and inadequate. I sounded like most of the teens that now walk into my office. I do not judge them when they tell me that “life sucks”, “I hate everyone”, and “no one understands me”. It makes me furious when I hear parents or even professionals try to minimize or redirect these feelings by saying: “you don’t know how good you have it” or “this is just a phase, it will pass” or my favorite “there are starving children in Africa!”. I didn’t give a shit about the children in Africa, I was suffering! So when I hear thei teens’ desperate cries that unfortunately come out as “disregard for others” or a “bad attitude” I listen, and I listen carefully!

According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC) suicide is the third leading cause of death in ages 15-24 and the fourth in children 10-14. Why would a ten year-old want to end his/her own life? No one wants to think about that but we MUST. Depression is the leading cause of suicide in teens and young adults. But it is rarely a single factor that drives a person to suicide. Along with depression, there are factors like the pressure to do well in school so you can get into a “good college”, bullying in and out of school, changes at home or substance abuse.

What is “normal” teen behavior and when do we worry if our child is suicidal? Seventy-five percent of suicidal teens are depressed. So what do we look for? The signs of depression in teenagers are often seen as “typical” behavior which is why talking openly is so important. Signs to look for include:

• l long periods of sadness
• l irritability
• l mood swings
• l anxiety
• l changes in weight, diet, sleep, and friends
• l feelings of worthlessness
• l feelings of unexplained or unreasonable guilt

Most of the teens I work with show all of these signs at one point and most are just struggling through the pangs of adolescence but I always ask if they have or have ever had thoughts of suicide. About 95% will tell me yes and 10% of them will tell me that they had a plan or have attempted but did not succeed. This is typically not cause for immediate intervention but I certainly do not take it lightly. I will continue to keep the discussion open and possibly have a “safety contract” signed by them which states that they will not hurt themselves during the course of treatment and will tell someone, call 911 or the suicide hotline if they feel they are in danger of hurting him/her self. If I feel the child is an immediate threat to him/her self, I will notify the parents/guardian and quickly establish the safest course of treatment. Almost every parent I tell is completely surprised that there child is suicidal. They immediately think “not my kid”. Well guess what, if you are the parent of a teen then you should know that those thoughts have most likely entered your teen’s mind.

So what can you do to treat a suicidal teen? Medications are helpful, but please understand that drugs like SSRIs can affect a teenage brain differently than that of an adult and can sometimes increase thoughts of suicide. Don’t be afraid to ask! Ask what your child is thinking, ask specifically if they are thinking of suicide. Show love and listen without judging.. Sometimes they seem really upset and distant and the most overwhelming fear can come out as anger.

Counseling is the best form of treatment for those who are struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts. Sometimes in-patient treatment is necessary to stabilize a suicidal teen.

Most of all it is love and understanding that can help children cope better with changes in life. Every child needs to feel loved and appreciated. I know it can be quite difficult to show love towards a miserable, disrespectful teenager but please understand that they are not doing it to hurt you as the parent, they are doing it because they are feeling powerless. Of course bad behavior must be met with discipline but that discipline must have love as the driving force. Don’t be afraid to stand by the door that was just slammed in your face and say “I love you and if you need to talk I am here” and then tell them that their behavior is not appropriate. Love comes first no matter what!

If you or someone you know has shown signs of depression and/or suicide please contact a professional. If you or someone you know is an immediate threat to him/her self please call 911 or contact the crisis hotline.

National Suicide Prevention Hotline 24/7: 1-800-273-8225

Transformations Counseling 631 257-5900

www.transforamtions-counseling.net See Original Blog