Continuing to build relationships

By Carol Dores

I was lucky enough to spend Mother’s Day weekend in the Cascade Mountains with one of our adult sons. Three incredible days, 28 miles of hiking, lots of conversations….what more could a Mom want? All of the years of struggling as a parent seems to have paid off. There are lots of grey hairs to show for it. And, lots of joy, memories, laughter and tears.

What I noticed was how relaxed and comfortable we are now with one another. The days of worry seem to be in the past. We have a solid foundation that we have been building with our adult relationship. We did many of the things we did together when they were younger – outdoor activities, cooking together, playing board games. And, we shared hopes and dreams. Stresses and joys.

What are the things parents of children can do to help build relationships with their children?

· Make time each week to spend time doing something each child enjoys, one on one, even for 10-15 minutes. Let them choose what to do, and then really focus on them.

· Work together as a family to come up with jobs for everyone to do around the house. When children feel part of the home, they are more likely to cooperate, and also develop a stronger sense of their own capability. The side bonus is that there are more people sharing the jobs.

· Take the time to really listen. Ask questions to get a better understanding. Validate their feelings, or ask how they are feeling.

· Think about what their strengths are, and help them build and use those strengths. If they are “music smart”, they can make up songs to remember how to spell words, as an example.

· Make the time to have family meals at least a few times a week, no electronics allowed at the table. Share positives and challenges in your life, and ask that they do the same.

These are just a few ideas for building better relationships with our children. Thanks to Dr. Jane Nelsen, Positive Discipline has a lot more!

Want to learn more about Positive Discipline? Visit www.positivedisciplinect.org.

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