I’ve lost my head. I’ve lost my mind. I’ve lost my way.
And I certainly don’t have time to write a blog. Which is why I decided to do it.
Once upon a time, pretty recently, I took a day off from work. Not to shoe shop or get a mani/pedi or sleep in. Just to buy groceries, get ahead of the laundry and if the universe was kind, catch up with Castle on the DVR. I’m not sure when this became an ideal way to spend a vacation day, but as a middle-aged working mother, it sounded like heaven.
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That day in the grocery store, a sweet senior lady asked for my help reading the label on a can of soup. After I completed her request in about ten seconds she proceeded to tell me she was buying that can of soup to make lunch for some friends. She told me who her friends were, how she’d had a little heart scare a few years ago and changed her diet. She also told me the recipe for her favorite healthy dinner. Ten seconds had expanded into ten minutes. And I decided to take a breath and just enjoy it. It was a vacation day and I should be allowed to spend it however I wanted, even if it meant passing a few moments with a geriatric stranger.
On my way home I smiled about it and thought, ‘If I had more time in my life I could afford to be kinder.’
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I nearly drove off the road when I heard myself (thought myself?) think those words. I can’t AFFORD to be kind? If I’m busy it’s OKAY if I’m NOT KIND? If I’m feeling rushed I can’t give a few extra minutes to a lonely old woman at the Stop and Shop?
When did life get so out of balance that kindness was optional?
That’s when I first caught a glimpse of the gap that had formed in my life. Not just a time gap between things I wanted to do and the things I had to do. But a gap between who I was and who I wanted to be.
Which is why I’m writing this blog. To put my thoughts to keyboard and screen for the purpose of gaining some perspective on my life. To figure out how I lost my head and how to get it back.
The good thing about being headless is it affords you the luxury of seeing yourself at a distance.
The bad thing about being headless is that your thoughts are out of sync with a body meant to feel and breathe. I must not only watch that gap between my head and my body, but close it.
So, I invite you to join me on my path to recapitation! On with my head!
