On Saturday, for the first time since I graduated college in May, my girlfriend and I went out to Stony Brook to have lunch with my Grandma. Believe it or not, that was the first time I've ever went to visit her without my mom or another relative accompanying me. It felt great to go out and visit. When I was younger, she used to come visit me all of the time. She set an example for me, showing me the importance of family. Now that I am beginning my adult life, I am excited to take on the responsibility of staying connected with family and keeping the bonds between us strong. Today I'm actually getting lunch with two of my cousins.
However growing up, I struggled a bit with defining family values. I was confused about what it even meant to be a family, and to be honest, I'm still figuring out. My family was always a little bit different. My parents are divorced, I'm an only child, and I've lived with my mom since the split. After the divorce, I felt as if I was the last tie between two groups of people who no longer wanted anything to do with one another. Not to mention that my mother's side of the family is Christian and my father's side of the family is Jewish. I used to feel as though if I truly wanted to be part of either side, I would have to choose a religion. And I felt as though choosing a religion was also choosing a side.
But I didn't choose a side. Looking back, I realize I never had to choose. I was putting a lot of that pressure on myself. But it was real to me. I felt that since I didn't choose a side, I was never a part of either one. I always felt as if I was on the outside of my family. I used to wonder sometimes if I was adopted or a mistake or maybe even a wizard or some sort of alien. I felt like I just didn't fit in anywhere no matter how hard I tried. So for most of my life, rather than connecting with family, I tried to build myself a family out of friends.
All throughout high school, I chose friends over family. In my eyes, my friends were my family. They were the people that made me feel as though I belonged. After years of feeling like a lonely stranger who doesn't fit in, I finally found a group of people who accepted me for who I was. Plus, I started to meet friends who also had divorced parents. Finally, I was with people who could understand my situation and relate to me. Until high school, I didn't have any friends or family with divorced parents, so I felt that no one understood where I was coming from. But now that I've graduated college, my perspective has changed considerably.
When I went away to school, I needed to find a new group of friends. I was searching for a new family. It was tough starting all over. It was scary. But within a few months, I had found myself a group of friends. Over four years, we too became close. We too became a family. But in the four years that I made new friends during college, the dynamics of my high school friend group changed entirely. We stayed in touch, we saw each other on the holidays, but we weren't the same family we used to be.
Now I've graduated college and it's happening all over again. I need to make new friends and new connections. I'm reconnecting with my high school friends as well as meeting new people. It's an interesting process but it has brought me to the realization that friends will come and go, but family is forever. My closest friends will always be family to me, no matter where they are. But I need a stronger connection with my biological family. And at 22 years old, I'm thanking God that it isn't too late yet.
I realize that a family is a gift. It doesn't matter how different our families may be. They are all gifts. We do not choose our families. We are born into a network of people who have existed long before we were even a thought. Upon birth, we have the choice to accept that network, or to reject it. Personally, I've spent enough time rejecting the people who God thought it best to place my soul with. I'm finally grateful for the wonderful and loving people around me that want nothing more than to see me succeed and for us to thrive as a family. It took me a while to get here, but it is never too late to make positive changes in your life.
While I think about my family, I realize that many people in the world have been focused on family for the past week, but not their own family - The Royal Family. At first, I thought it was strange that people are so fascinated with the Royal Family. But after meditating on it, I realize that people who obsess over the Royal Family are not so different from me. Growing up, I neglected my own family and chose to focus on outside sources for my feeling of connection. Obsessing over the Royal Family and the Royal Baby may be a different focus than friends, but I get it. People want to feel connected by focusing on a story that seems larger than themselves. For some people, talking about the Royal Baby is a way to connect with other people, and to feel like an informed member of the community. When I see it that way, I can't criticize people.
This week, let's meditate on family. Focus on strengthening our connection. Remember, the ultimate potential of the human race is to create a society that can peacefully co-exist and thrive. If we want to eventually bridge the gaps between warring nations, then we must first start at home. We cannot expect change in the world if we cannot effect change within ourselves. So let's turn off our t.v.'s, stop thinking about the Royal Baby, and go hang out with our own families.
