It’s hard to go back to high school knowing that it’s the last time. It’s the last time I'll carry an uncomfortably large stack of new notebooks into school. It’s the last time I’ll be assigned a seat alphabetically next to people I grew up with. It’s the last time I'll almost forget my locker combination.
I've been thinking about my last first day for a long time. I tend to view things from a broad perspective, and I've placed my senior year on a highlight reel in the timeline of my life; tomorrow is the beginning to a fantastic end.
But I've made it out to be stranger than it actually is.
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In a way, the last first time is important because it commemorates twelve years of summers ending, of new beginnings, and of fresh loose leaf. My high school career has been, so far, everything I expected. I am a varsity athlete, the drum major for the marching band, a leader of multiple clubs, and in great standing academically - all things I promised myself I'd accomplish. But the last time I do all of this is not more important than the other three times.
When I remember high school I won’t remember the last time, I’ll remember the time in between; the days that were actually important, and not because I forced them to be. The last traditional “back-to-school” experience should not be overly significant, because I've done it so many times before. It’s already a thing of the past - I am already applying to college. Yes, it will be the last day I sit in a Wantagh High School desk as a student on the first day of school, but it’s also the last time nothing will be a surprise. Again: I’ve done it all before.
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For me, tomorrow will be a kind of memorial for the past twelve years. Maybe I'll reminisce, but probably not. Acknowledging the beginning of the end just distracts from the actual beginning.
It will be the start to a year full of tradition and progress, of wanting to stay in school forever and wanting to get out as fast as possible. It won't last, but thinking about that shouldn’t bring me down. The last first is the beginning of the end, and I am excited to just get on with it already.
