Not everyone is sad about snuffed-out holiday gatherings

While many are mourning the loss of holiday gatherings that have been killed off by the worldwide pandemic, others might be breathing a sigh of relief, says Otterbein University professor Noam Shpancer.

“For some it’s a big disappointment but for some, it’s a relief,” says Shpancer, who teaches psychology at Otterbein, a liberal arts college in central Ohio. “Some might say they’re fairly happy not to have to see Uncle Bobby again and deal with the fact that he gets drunk and talks nonsense every year.”

Shpancer has plenty of insights from decades as a clinical psychologist, teacher, novelist and blogger, including 21 years at Otterbein. This year he’s thought a lot about how people are managing life during a worldwide pandemic, especially during this holiday season.

“There are a lot of expectations about the holidays, that it’s a magical time,” Shpancer says. “But life isn’t magic. It’s complicated. What you feel around a big family gathering may not be what you wish to feel. The stress of getting together can go both ways. Part of it is great and part of it will grate on your nerves.”

Still, says Shpancer, humans like things to be predictable, and if our regular habits and traditions are disrupted, it can create stress.

“There’s going to be a lot of unhappy people among those who can’t do their usual holiday rituals,” he says. “Our main source of psychological strength and wellbeing is social connections, including colleagues, friends and family. Holiday rituals can be a big part of that.”

Since gatherings large and small are being discouraged this year to keep Covid-19 from spreading, people need to get creative, Shpancer says.

“Can we organize some activity we can share on screen?” he says. “We need to think of new ways to be together and adjust to the circumstances. Something is better than nothing. This is an opportunity to practice your resilience and your flexibility.”

Unlike when the pandemic started, we now can see an end to our isolation because a vaccine is at hand, Shpancer. Recognizing that can help us manage the holidays and the next few months.

“It’s much easier to endure hardship when you can see the finish line,” he says. “We’re sacrificing for a good cause and we won’t have to sacrifice forever. We know how this will end and we know it will end in victory.”