The Scoop about Ladles

The ladle is unequaled in its capability for delivering soups and stews from pot to bowl or plate, with a minimum of splash and a maximum of panache. Perfectly designed -- usually in hollowed out semi-spherical form -- it is a truly beautiful kitchen utensil, which in a full set of sizes would enhance and adorn any kitchen wall. Indeed, no self-respecting cook would dream of not having these miracles of utilitarianism readily at hand. I have heard tell of professional chefs who sport ladle belts -- designed to carry a full octave of ladles, to respond in short order to any ladling opportunity or need, no matter the amount or viscosity required. You can always predict their arrival, due to the clanging of their culinary collection, rivaling the most cacophonous of 20th century composers.

A ladle is also a required accoutrement for proper sauna etiquette. A few drops of your favorite oil essence in a ladle of cold water, poured liberally over the heated sauna rocks, elicits a liberal cloud of aromatic steam which envelopes the body and produces the most exquisite and sensual experience. Be wary of self-proclaimed sauna 'experts', however, who may suggest fun but potentially lethal alternatives to traditional practices. I once followed the impish suggestion of such an 'expert' (on reflection it may have been on April 1st) to add whiskey in lieu of the oil essence. The resulting plume of flaming gas clearly illuminated the airflow through the sauna, extinguishing just inches short of my head and narrowly avoiding a body temperature far higher than desired or recommended – even in the sauna.

Ladle, as with many words, works as both noun and verb. For example, the expression heard on the street recently -- "do you ladle?" -- suggests a reference to culinary activities, but could just as well refer to a new form of physical gyration or exercise. The design and structure of the ladle is, after all, reminiscent of lotus yoga pose.

As the ladle is of course a type of spoon, should we not have ladlerisms in language as extreme or compound forms of spoonerisms (with posthumous apologies to William Archibald)? A purvey soul of the hoggers and jikers of Laker Shakes might hallucinate.

Little known, but nonetheless relevant for a comprehensive appreciation of the subject, are specialized ladles, e.g., the Swiss Army ladle -- aka the yodel ladle?), which comes with not one but two spouts (go figure -- reminds me of the old bar trick of exhorting your companion to drink from the opposite side of the glass). The word yodel, by the way, is derived from the German jodeln -- to utter 'jo' ('yo' to you English-speaking pronouncers). The use of this technique can enhance ladle-calling, in situations where you may have misplaced your ladle -- "Yo! Ladle!" is an example of such.

I would be remiss to omit reference to one of the less obvious but nonetheless invaluable uses for the ladle. There is perhaps nothing so ignominious or embarrassing as to be seen traipsing down the sidewalk after your dog in the early morning, receptacle in hand, to await the pleasure of the canine squat in order to capture a sample for medical testing. Worse still, if the dog is male, you may find yourself having to resuscitate some of your high school geometry or even college physics lessons to spontaneously calculate stream trajectory. In such circumstances, a ladle is an invaluable if not essential tool. In such cases, the ladle bowl should be in line with, rather than at an angle to the handle. The longer the handle, the better (to avoid personal contact of course).

Ah, the bind moggles…