Turning the Page

On Thursday, I went to school to pick up my cap and gown. I completed school in August but am not able to attend graduation until next week. When I decided to return to school after my son was born, I was all business. I didn't care if I made friends or participated in activities while at Carlow University. I was there to finish my degree and get out. I didn't buy a T-shirt, a window cling for the car or even a pen. I had nothing other than my diploma to prove I ever existed at that school.

I decided that I needed a shirt and that my son should have one as well. I paid for my items. The girl at the register smiled warmly and said "Congratulations." Tears brimmed my eyes.

It didn't really occur to me until right then that I am a college graduate. I finished classes in August, and that was just it. It seemed to end so abruptly. I received my diploma in the mail in September and remember almost shrugging. I showed it to my parents and then put it away. It verified what I needed to know: I do NOT have to register for classes again!

I don't feel as though I have sat still since graduating, which had been my entire plan. I took an entire week's vacation and did not even sleep in for one day. I was all around the city all day, every day. I even left the country. for the One Young World Summit, I have been to concerts, hockey games and baseball games, and I even started my own blog (High Heels & Hockey). I don't know how to function as a person if I don't have a project in front of me. I haven't stopped for four years. I can't stop now.

I had not planned to even attend graduation. My student advisor convinced me that, if I didn't do it for myself, that I should at least do it for my parents and, especially, my son. She was right. My son needs to see this. Even if he doesn't remember, he needs to be able to have pictures and a story to go with them. He needs to know how much I love him and that I did this not only for me but for him and for his future, as well. It is so important for my son to know that I have never quit and have never given up on making sure that I provide the best life for him. I need my son to be proud of me.

My parents deserve this, as well. They have never told me or my brothers that we couldn't accomplish something. While they may have tried to keep our plans realistic, they never expected anything less than maximum effort from us to excel at everything that we tried.

Everything is beginning to fall into place. I applied for a new position at work two weeks ago on a whim. I have been taking my time at one thing, and that is moving my career forward. It is a frightening venture and process.

The process was like a flash of light. I interviewed and felt as though, in the same moment, I was offered the position. The woman from Recruitment on the other end of the phone said, "Here is your offer." I wrote down the amount on a Post-it. I looked at it. I don't know that I actually heard her say it. I immediately accepted, and the tears spilled over. I was so happy that I couldn't speak. 

My mind was racing, but at the same time, a wave of calm enveloped me. I can support my son on my own. I haven't failed him. I am being paid for and working a job that matches my education. It has only been a few months, but it has happened.

I don't feel lucky, though. Why? Because I worked for everything. I cannot attribute my success to luck because I believe in creating opportunities, not hoping for them. I believe in opening doors. Right now, I want nothing more than to break down every door in front of me. I worked hard to achieve good grades, to move up the chain at work for the past five years and to build a strong foundation for me and my son to rest on. 

My graduate school applications are in. Let the games continue! I have not conquered nearly everything that I am capable of!