Questions

You would think rejection would get easier the more exposed you are to it. And it does sometimes. I never let criticism of my work get to me. It comes with the territory. And as someone seeking employment, I try to keep a nonchalant attitude about any interviews I may have. It helps keep me sane.

But when I am rejected for something I really felt was going to be an incredible opportunity—something I believe I would have done well—it hurts. Even though I tried to stay positive yet indifferent so it wouldn’t hurt, the disappointment washes over me.

It makes me want to give up. It makes me want to re-evaluate my career path. Yet, I love my field—and I can’t afford to go back to school. I already have school loan debt out the wazoo! So I keep blogging. I keep freelancing. Somebody has to realize someday that I am not second best.

But how long should I keep it up before I give it up? That is my question.

When is the right time? I don’t want to freelance forever, and I’m not cut out to do it full time. I don’t want retail to be my career. Should I just do it anyway? Should I take a leap into real estate? Or do I need to think of something completely different?

What else am I good at? I’m pretty good with arts and crafts. I’m a good baker. But am I good enough at either of those? Or will it be like it is now: either too good or not quite good enough?

It’s frightening, and I’m no longer an optimistic 20-something. I’m older now. I have a family now. I have bills to pay. I’m a realist – and a cynic. And it holds me back from doing something stupid, but it also keeps me from wanting to take a risk.

I don’t even know where to start.

I will get through this. I always do. I’ll take a step back. I’ll brush myself off. I’ll try again. If I die a retail minion, so be it. But that’s not my plan.