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As the world celebrates the birth of another baby, deep down there may be a part of you that is reminded, yet again, of your own struggles with infertility.
Create space for all of your feelings.
I believe that one of the amazing features of a human being is our ability to experience a range of feelings simultaneously, even feelings that seem to be at odds with one another. For example, you may be feeling a sense of awe and support for the royal couple while simultaneously there may be a part of you that is experiencing a sense of emptiness, sadness, envy, guilt, or anger. You may be wondering what it would be like to have joy and support surrounding you and your partner as you brought a baby into the world.When we don’t create space for all of our emotional experiences, they tend to find other ways to emerge. For example, you might notice that you're just ‘in a bad mood’, that no outfit is fitting right, you are picking a fight with your partner, or have less patience with a stranger or a colleague. These may be signs that there are painful feelings living beneath your emotional surface.
Find out what's happening in Chestnut Hill-Mt. Airyfor free with the latest updates from Patch.
So now what? Am I supposed to just feel lousy all the time?!
Many of us avoid acknowledging the presence of feelings that we deem negative for fear that they will consume us and cause us to feel negative all the time. But when we get into the practice of creating space and just noticing our feelings they actually consume us less and tend to pass more naturally. Just like a wave in the ocean that peaks and falls, so too our emotions have a natural ebb and flow.
By creating space for our reactions we can then decide how we would like to respond to them.
Maybe instead of focusing on tabloids and articles that feature pictures of the newest royal and proud smiling parents, you can make the choice to look at pictures on your computer (or an actual album--do those still exist??) of a vacation that you took or a time in your life that was especially meaningful or special to you. You can also look through your email or personal journal to find reminders of positive experiences you have had in your life and connections you have experienced with others.This may also be a good time to treat yourself to a nice bath or extra long shower. Perhaps meeting up with a friend or connecting with a loved one on the phone could feel nourishing. Others might find that they just want some time to be by themselves and journal, go for a walk, watch a favorite television show, or read a good book. It is up to you to figure out what you may be needing in this moment. By making room for your feelings you will be able to approach yourself and your needs with a sense of compassion and acceptance.
After all, you deserve to be gentle with yourself. The process of trying to conceive is a huge mountain and you are just one person, trying to climb it one day at a time.
Rebecca E. Gras, PsyD, M.A, is a Licensed Psychologist providing individual and group therapy in Chestnut Hill, PA. Phone: 267-825-7530, Email: DrGras@DoctorGras.com.
