A Father's Day meditation

As a father, I'm all for the idea of Father's Day. But as a national observance, I think we have it all wrong. I think we have it completely backwards.

Being a father is not some accomplishment to be celebrated. A father worthy of the name doesn't look to be congratulated for what he does; he is content to be appreciated.

Good fathers understand they have a unique role, something only they can do to shape the world and the next generation. They do this by loving and unconditionally supporting their children. They will do anything for their children, and often do.

Naturally, styles differ. One father might be warm, empathetic and gentle with his child. Another may be laconic, or gruff. It doesn't matter. It's not what a father says or how he says it; it's what he does that counts.

I think there are only two kinds of fathers -- those who try to do the job well and those who do not make the effort. You either get it or you don't. If you're honestly trying, then you are a good father. What a good father does, most men will tell you, is to be stand-up, steadfast and dependable in the face of life's uncertainties. And that's maybe the finest thing a man can do for his child.

Of course not everything goes well and not everybody does well. You can be a good father without necessarily being a successful father. And sadly, here in the real world, there are legions of bad and absent fathers. Perhaps Father's Day could be a time we mourn their failures and do what we can to comfort their children.

A father doesn't need a special holiday because his life provides abundant gifts every day. When he does his job well he earns his child's trust, respect and affection. He gets to be a teacher and an icon. He has somebody small and weak who looks up to him, literally, like a giant, no matter how humble his circumstances. And he gets what I consider the finest gift of fatherhood, his child's simple, sincere happiness to see him.

I have one child and he's an adult now. As I slide along in middle age it becomes ever more clear to me that the most precious feature of my life has been having him in it with me. Despite wives, teachers, mentors and my own good parents, I know that the very best things I've done are those I learned to do because he was there.

From his youngest days he's brought grace into my life. Sometimes he charmed it out of me, sometimes he forced it. All that matters is that it happened and that I couldn't be more fortunate.

I'm sure he'll do something thoughtful and kind for me to commemorate Father's Day. But the day's truest sentiment runs in the other direction, from me to him: "Thank you, son, for teaching me to be your father."