Dating 101: Does The Future Flash Before Your Eyes On the First Date…But?

“I can’t believe I am doing this."

"He or she seems so nice and ambitious."

"If this get-together turns out to be a wreck, I am done for awhile with dating.”

These are all expressions I have heard from clients as well as friends about their feelings on dating. So, before consulting with clients and even writing this blog, I ask myself, 'What do we think of before the possibility of love starts?'

For me, I was meticulous. I saw the next three to five years on the first date. I know that sounds very presumptuous, almost like a business plan. But, we all have notions of what love is or should be for us in the short or long-term. Nevertheless, the catch is our emotions and past experiences have a role to play in what I call our “love cycle.”

It is almost like the circle of life that Mufasa speaks of in The Lion King, but it certainly moves our life in ways we have never expected. No matter what our go with your guts instincts say to our brain in the midst of motivating our confidence in the moment before the date, we may think, could this individual be THE ONE? 

As I work with different generations to provide insight on designs of dating from traditional movie and dinner outings, elaborate spontaneous getaways and of course, navigating the waters of the online dating scene, how much time and value do we place on the process of dating? Are you the “in it to win it in the name of love” or the “cast your net out as far and wide” to see what happens type? No matter where in the romance spectrum you fall, I always hear the following phrase spoken with curiosity—This really could be my soul mate, BUT…

So, what does the word but really mean for us? As I often say to my clients, even after you have fallen in love, there will always be a moment where what you envisioned is challenged, but those hurdles can you bring you closer if both parties are willing to communicate and grow in the process. Therefore, I would rather not write to you about the rules of dating as many authors have in the past, because there are no prescribed rules (other than dignity and respect) for a date, because dating is different for each individual. I prefer to write based upon my experiences, the experiences of others (whom have given me permission of course), and your feedback. 

So, let us journey back. On the morning of my first date with my soulmate, I gave myself the pep talk that I could go through with this experience by being genuine, not conveying my past emotional hurt in an overbearing way, and be engaged no matter how uncertain the flow of the conversation. After a few conversations with friends whom I consider to be my collaborative Oracle of Delphi, I concluded that if this date went well or not, I had as much time as the universe allowed finding my muse. 

As I began to drive, I had an odd moment where my mind journeyed into space while listening to Pandora, and I saw the potential of this date as well as my doubts. What if this person is a jerk? What if they are too good to be true? If so, how do I measure up to their expectation and vice versa? I paused and realized that I had given too much over to imagination and not my rational mind. But, I haven’t even thought about romance. What am I to do if in the future they are a horrible kisser or their love language is different than mine? I laughed out loud. It is ironic that we often think of the negatives in ways in which an individual can personify our wants rather than our needs. And by now, I was at the door of the restaurant to meet my online date. And, I have been with my kindred spirit since.

Ironically, I am now the President of a company that specializes in love each day. Rest assured, I still see the future flash before my eyes. And yes, I sometimes have uncertainties that stem from what life throws at us all, because life itself is like a blind date—full of the unexpected.

In the words of William Somerset Maugham, Love you know, is a funny thing; but the funniest thing about it is you never can tell if it is love—until you start to doubt it.