Dating 101: The Quality vs. Quantity Factor

Continuing in the spirit of the holidays, I write about two words that are often spoken synonymously in the spirit of love and giving—quality vs. quantity.

Fret not; we will not be focusing on holiday shopping. First, take out your list of desired traits and characteristics for a partner. At the end of your reading, I encourage you to evaluate the information presented in this blog to see if your qualitative or quantitative love language is adequate enough for you.

This process is always an experiential journey! Before we began our exploration, determine what quality and quantity mean to you. I suggest taking time to reflect/meditate and actualize these two words into concrete definitions. This is the first step in rationalizing what matters most to you. Let’s start with my definitions of quality and quantity by quoting individuals that sum up some of our human material desires and emotions. Get your pen, paper, laptop (if you are a techie like me) and let’s begin.

Quantity—Leonard Maltin states, “Everyone is looking for the sure thing. They are looking to hedge their bet. They think the way to do that is to go with a proven quantity, a remake of something you have already seen. That is their mindset.”  

We are an option-driven society. We take pride and comfort in knowing that we have the best deal, even in our relationships at times. And, when it is all said and done, in comparison our true love will be the crème de la crème—the ideal person. Yet, how many relationships yield just the right amount of quantitative experiences before we understand what quality is? This answer is still a mystery.

Quality—Max de Pree states, “We talk about the quality of products and services. What about the quality of our relationships and the quality of our communications and the quality of our promises to each other?” It is easy to settle into the every day flow of being with your loved one(s) and perhaps view love as a commodity or a tangibly related product or service that we should receive. Nevertheless, I recommend that we look at the questions within Pree’s quote as a challenge for us to communicate honestly with others and ourselves about what quality means for all parties involved. The focal word within this quote is promise. This one magic word for many signifies that love will be eternal and hopefully without equivocation. No matter which end of the continuum of love you fall, it is always that promise or one's upmost admiration that we hold dear.

Reflecting on what to write this time, I asked myself,

“Self, is it possible to narrow down these two words to just one answer?”

My response, “No, Watson, the explanation is not that simple.”

Seriously, since the answer may not be so apparent, what are some questions to get us to ponder?

There is a reason that I state this silly but important dialogue in my mind. It is imperative that you ask yourself the same question(s). There isn’t a right or wrong definitive answer. Now that you have reviewed your notes, myself included, where do you fall in the spectrum of quality or quantity this holiday season? If you are still struggling, here are some questions to help you and your loved ones begin the journey. 

1. Knowing myself is important. I achieve this by…

2. I value having meaningful relationships with people and being able to connect on deeper levels. This is important because…

3. I will achieve my financial goals of being independent while fostering my interpersonal relationships by….

4. A dream of mine that I would like to fulfill is….

5. Having a family/sense of community is important to me. I achieve that through….

6. In order to live everyday to the fullest as if it were my last, I must…. 

7. My purpose in life is…

Talk about questions for a first date…Wow! I am just joking! These are just a sample of queries that enables one to reflect on how we see value in each other. 

They are also a starting point to measuring and understanding how and why we place certain energies in our lives. We must be “real” in our analysis of where we are in our process in finding what we want from love, evaluating the process of finding/rediscovering love, and ultimately loving ourselves. After you finish your investigation, develop your own theories and exercises. But, please always be open to the quantitative experiences of life that yield the qualitative moments. It is my hope that the right combination of quality and quantity will result in not only your heart’s desire but also a better YOU. 

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