Moms Talk: Making Room

Our Moms Council addresses your concerns about parenting, motherhood, teenage and toddler troubles and anything in between.

Join the conversation! We want to hear your thoughts, so drop them in the comment box below. Our questioning readers will appreciate your help.

This week, our Moms Council answered this question:

"I recently had a baby, my second, just over two weeks ago. My first son has been staying with his grandma, my mother, a few hours away. He is about to come home and meet the new baby. I don't know what to expect, and while I know that's normal, I'm still curious if there are any tips for integrating a new infant into a toddler's life? Anything I should expect? I'd love to hear first-hand accounts. Thanks!"

Moms Council member Heidi McDonald said:

Congratulations on your new addition! One thing I was sure to do when my second child arrived was to be deliberate about carving out blocks of time for just me and the older child, so that the older child wouldn't feel as much in competition for my attention. (That will help the other parent bond with the new baby, too!) Possibly include the younger child in the care of the baby (on a supervised basis, of course), and both parents should engage the older child periodically in talking about his feelings so that you can help him manage.

When my second child arrived, my daughter thought he had a funny-sounding cry (which...he did...he sounded like a seagull). She would come over and smack him lightly on the forehead to get him to cry, and then run away and just watch him. She also noticed early on that he got attention every time he cried, so, she started crying too, whether she needed anything or not. Both of those were aggravating, but did pass after about a month of adjustment. We did consult our children's doctor about this. Once we explained to the pediatrician that our daughter hadn't been hitting him very hard, as though she really were actually trying to hurt him, we were assured that what we went through was normal.

The point at which we'd have really, seriously worried (and, said the pediatrician, the point at which we needed to worry) was if we'd seen her do anything deliberately intended to hurt the baby, but she just wanted to hear his weird cry. (In her defense—it was pretty weird.) Best of luck to your newly-grown family!

Moms Council member Hillary Garvey said:

When I brought my youngest home, her older sister’s initial response was: “Can we take it back now?” She had grown tired of the baby in only a few hours. But, once she realized that the baby was not just her temporary play thing, and that she was here to stay, she started to consider her role in the baby’s life.

She changed her little sister, fed her, and really enjoyed being able to impart her “wisdom” to her younger sibling. This type of bonding is important and certainly helped my girls grow together and become very close.

Don’t be discouraged if your son’s first words to the new addition are not positive. He won’t want to “take it back” once he gets to know his new sibling.  

Have questions? We have answers! Submit all queries to beauchamp.sarah1@gmail.com. Our Moms Council is Yoda-wise, so ask away!