Moms Talk: Persuading Picky Eaters

Our Moms Council addresses your concerns about parenting, motherhood, teenage and toddler troubles and anything in between. You have questions--they have the innate wisdom of moms (and a whole lot of helpful suggestions).

Join the conversation! We want to hear your thoughts, so drop them in the comment box below. Our questioning readers will appreciate your help.

This week, our Moms Council answered this question:

“My oldest daughter, she's eleven, is the pickiest eater ever!  She will only eat pasta, cheese, and bread (and we're not even Italian). She refuses to eat vegetables, and she eats very little meat. She's constantly getting stomach aches and I'm sure her diet is a large contributor to that. 

Do any of you have any clever ideas for getting her to be more explorative with her diet? I don't want her to face any health problems because of what she eats (or refuses to eat). 

Thanks Moms Council! I appreciate the help!”

Moms Council member Heidi McDonald suggests:

" I feel your pain. I have a daughter AND a husband like that. Among the things I've tried that have enjoyed any degree of success:

1. Definitely put your daughter on vitamins, so that even if she isn't eating balanced, at least you know she's getting the right nutrients.

2. Take your daughter to the family doctor and ask your doctor to speak with her about her nutrition (ie, ask her questions about what she eats and tell her what she should be eating to be healthy). Worst case, she might have some sort of medical condition, if she's having a lot of stomach aches. Best case, the doctor can scare some sense into her and also make sure she doesn't have an eating disorder.

3. Find ways to sneak healthy ingredients into the food she likes. Jerry Seinfeld's wife, Jessica Sklar, wrote a great book called "Deceptively Delicious, Simple Secrets to Get Your Kids Eating Good Food."  It's full of ideas on how to do this. One thing I did was to put dried, diced onions into recipes so that my onion-hating husband would still eat the recipe. I've been doing this for years, and the only way he'll know about it is if he reads this.

4. Do not, under any circumstances, make more than one dinner. If you make something for dinner, that's dinner. If she won't eat it, she doesn't get dinner.

5. Have a night where you make a smorgasboard of different things. Make it a family tasting party. Everyone has cards, where they taste and rate each dish. Everyone who tastes every single food gets a prize at the end. You might end up finding some far-out thing she didn't know she'd like. Our daughter now regularly eats Chinese dumplings and Chipotle Burritos, because she finally tried them.

6. Have your daughter draw a page into 2 columns. Her challenge is to list 5 foods she likes, and 5 she doesn't. Have her do this for each category: "side dishes," "appetizers," "main courses," "soups" and "salads." If she can't think of 5 things she likes, go on AllRecipes.com and let her pick recipes she'd like you to try, and she has to at least try them. This will get her thinking as well as give you some options. And of course, you can always set parameters on this one like, "pastas are not allowed on the list."

7. If all else fails, threaten to involve, or involve, the school guidance counselor, a clergy counselor, a psychiatrist, a nutritionist unless she stops trying to hold the family hostage. It may not be a food issue at all, but a control issue, and if that's the case, it's important to address sooner rather than later.

Good luck!”

Moms council member Valerie Gotaskie adds:

“Is this a recent development, or a long-standing battle? Eleven seems old enough to understand the whole "eat the rainbow" rationale, even if she doesn't always want to put it into practice. (And let's admit that there are days when we don't want to as adults either!)

Eating with tweens, especially girls, can be pretty sensitive, so you might want to consult your doctor or a nutritionist so as not to make the issue worse. A couple of suggestions come to mind, however:

If your daughter likes to write and be a critic, maybe you can convince her to make mini reviews of the meals she eats...and she has to try the whole meal to do that effectively. 

Sometimes kids will be more adventurous eaters if they have ownership of the meal. Maybe you two can make meal plans together, making sure to have a balanced meal. Then you can cook it together.

Hope this helps!”