Moms Talk: Serious Surveillance

Our Moms Council addresses your concerns about parenting, motherhood, teenage and toddler troubles and anything in between.

Join the conversation! We want to hear your thoughts, so drop them in the comment box below. Our questioning readers will appreciate your help.

This week, our Moms Council answered this question:

"I leave on business trips at least twice a month. I've noticed that while I've been gone, my daughter has clearly had friends over, even though I repeatedly asked her not to. I've found burnt table cloths and mysterious stains to prove it. I've considered asking the police to drive by the place every now and again while I'm gone. Is it unfair if I don't warn my daughter? Am I spying?"

Moms Council member Judith Reymond suggested:

I think it's a great idea to have the authorities stop by. If there is something to be caught, then they'll catch it. Otherwise, there would be no issue because everything is as it should be. 

I understand your hesitation—you never want to feel as if you're going behind your child's back. But, sometimes teenagers need some surveillance—if only to prevent them from making some pretty serious mistakes. 

Moms Council member Hillary Garvey had a different opinion:

Having the police come by, I feel, should be a last resort. I know you've found "evidence," but maybe have a serious talk with your kid first (you didn't specify whether or not you've tried this already). If your kid still insists they are doing nothing wrong and you don't believe them, perhaps have a neighbor drive by instead of the cops.

I think it's important to be safe, but if your kid's behavior is harmless, then involving the authorities too soon could be a huge breach of confidence, and force your child to rebel even more. 

Have questions? We have answers! Submit all queries to beauchamp.sarah1@gmail.com. Our Moms Council is Yoda-wise, so ask away!