Moms Talk: Underage Issues

Our Moms Council addresses your concerns about parenting, motherhood, teenage and toddler troubles and anything in between.

Join the conversation! We want to hear your thoughts, so drop them in the comment box below. Our questioning readers will appreciate your help.

This week, our Moms Council answered this question:

"I just caught my 14-year-old son drinking, which was surprising. Even though I caught him, he lied to my face. When I did an experiment that would catch him at it beyond the shadow of a doubt, he was definitely and totally caught. Alcoholism runs in my family so I am absolutely terrified about this and unsure how to handle it. 12-step group? Counseling? Throw out all the alcohol in the house, at some cost to us (which we don't think is fair to the adults in the house who don't drink very regularly but ought to be able to have a drink if we want one)? What should we do?

We have already grounded him from video games and the computer, but, that isn't related to his behavior. We are also making arrangements so that he has to be with an adult during the day for the rest of the summer."

Moms Council member Nancy Goodrich suggested:

I think it is imperative that you do control the home environment, first and foremost. If you are unwilling to throw away all of the alcohol, then by all means find a way to lock it up. Whether or not it's convenient or fair isn't the issue here; lots of things in life (and in parenting) aren't necessarily fair. But the truth is that your son may need to be in an alcohol-free environment as he comes to terms with his behavior related to alcohol.

Another necessity seems to be family counseling for all of you; your son might benefit from some independent counseling, as well. I'm particularly concerned by his lying about the alcohol use, and about his continuing to use it after he was confronted. I'm also concerned that you don't mention any explanation he gave for it. These things together suggest the need for help with communicating.

Video games and computer may not be related to the behavior, but they make sense to me as punishments because they are things that will have an impact for a 14-year-old boy. Adult supervision during the day sounds like a great step, too. You don't mention his friends, but I'd also want to suss out whether or not they have been drinking alcohol. It may not be easy to know for sure—so, along with that, I'd want to know that they are supervised appropriately when together.

Kudos to you for recognizing this problem and setting about helping your son.

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