Parents Seek Awareness of ‘Pandemic’ Divorce Behavior

His Hatboro hometown proclaimed a day in honor of something Daniel Holmes has been striving to cope with since his divorce: parental alienation.

Last month, Mayor Norman Hawkes proclaimed April 25 Parental Alienation Awareness Day, recognizing an issue that is gradually gaining prominence in child development circles. 

The term “parental alienation” refers to the behaviors exhibited by one parent, during or after a separation or divorce, that disparage their former partner and can result in a child adopting hostile attitudes toward the targeted parent.

"It’s been very difficult to handle,” said Hatboro resident Daniel Holmes, a father of three daughters, the oldest of whom he is now estranged from following a tough divorce.

Holmes said he was blindsided after his child turned against him and he sought parental counseling, where he learned of the concept of parental alienation.

 After researching the issue, about a year ago Holmes launched a support group for parents who’d experienced the phenomenon and, most recently, joined with a group of other parents in the state who are launching a Pennsylvania chapter of the Parental Alienation Awareness Organization.

The Canadian-based agency currently has a chapter in Indiana and, according to PAAO president Jill Egizzi, is in the midst of launching chapters in Texas, Illinois and Ohio.

Egizzi, the author of “The Look of Love,” which addresses parental alienation, said she’s heard from thousands of parents who are beginning to put a public face to the issue and its far-reaching effects.

“I think we’re taking baby steps,” she said. “It’s slowly starting to change and come to the forefront. As unfortunate as it is, I want this to be a household term so it can be brought to people’s attention.”

Egizzi called parental alienation a “pandemic” problem in the U.S., which boasts an unfortunately high divorce rate. To effectively alleviate the role parental alienation plays in society, advocates need to also target the “divorce culture” that exists in the country in order to shed light on the resounding impact of marital decisions, she said. 

One of the primary goals of PAAO, as its name suggests, is awareness — for everyone from parents to children to counselors to members of the judicial system — of the lifelong impact of parental alienation on a child and ways to prevent it.

The educational approach needs to be multi-pronged and confront head-on some of the oft-ignored social ills existing in America, said Cindy Corsi Smith, a resident of Erie and one of the co-presidents of the newly created Pennsylvania PAAO chapter.

"There is a lot of divorce in this country, and society is not dealing with it realistically,” she said. “We’re good at putting Band-Aids on problems. But divorce causes such pain and destruction in children’s lives that I think we really need to work backwards and see how we can help by not just healing, but also preventing.”

Corsi Smith recommended that child development classes be mandatory at high-school and college levels and counselors receive better training on helping children cope with divorce, including the incorporation of parents into the sessions.

She also suggested that judges bring parents and children, if age-appropriate, before the bench to communicate the boundaries they must abide by.

“Let the children hear the judge say: 'Neither parent will badmouth the other parent,' ” she said. “These words will help empower the child, giving the child permission to be a kid. Otherwise, when alienation is condoned and power given to an alienating parent, children will be empowered to a dangerous level where life often becomes disastrous.”

Holmes said the local group is also striving to place educational resources on parental alienation in area schools. 

He said works like Richard Warshak’s DVD “Welcome Back Pluto” and book “Divorce Poison,” along with Amy Baker’s “I Don’t Want to Choose” and “Breaking the Ties That Bind,” are invaluable assets to children and parents contending with parental alienation.

Earlier this month Holmes distributed 600 pamphlets about the local chapter to the , and the Horsham Township Council is set to release a certificate of recognition to honor the creation of the organization.

In addition to the educational aims, Holmes said one of the organization's other functions will be to provide solace to parents whose lives have been upended by parental alienation.

“We want people to know that they’re not alone,” he said. “This is an extremely lonely thing to go through, and people can’t truly understand how devastating it is unless they experience it themselves. You need to seek others out who can help you to never, never give up hope. It’s easy to get frustrated and upset and angry and feel like you’re being victimized but really the ones who ultimately are being victimized are the children.”

Egizzi echoed Holmes’ sentiments, agreeing that parents need to remain focused on setting aside their personal animus in favor of the needs of their children.

“Parental alienation often extends to other members of the parent’s family, to the cousins and the grandparents, so these kids can lose an entire half of their family, cut off from their heritage, their medical history, all of those opportunities at relationships," Egizzi said. "This will stick with these kids the rest of their lives. Children need to be at the top — above the money, or the house, or the settlement — they’re the ones who are most important.”

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