100 Shades of Smart

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Today I am grateful I am 100 Shades of Smart! Now there is a title for a book! I’m afraid I need to rant a little bit and some of you might not like it. It’s okay. Go read a good book. . .because I’m going to talk about a lousy book. . .a lousy book that is making a mind-blowing fortune for all involved. . .

There is a lot of hype these days over this book which was the first of a trilogy and is now being made into a movie that will be released for Valentines Day. Really? Valentines Day? That’s just wrong! Morning, afternoon and evening news and talk shows are lousy with coverage of this book and movie. All of the broadcasters, especially the women are letting me down. They are practically in a dead faint over the “hotness” of this book and where the movie will take it. I refuse to use the title or the author on principle. I’m not promoting such trite. You already know what I’m talking about and if you don’t, good for you. Just as well you avoid it.

Those who are reading this rant and bristling are probably wondering, “Did she even read it?” Yes, sadly I did! I’m not forming my opinion based on hearsay. I read it. Everyone at work was reading it and going gaga. Their husbands were all very happy they were reading it because it was like taking a blowtorch to their sex lives. I wanted to fit in, or at the very least see what all the commotion was about. I wanted to love it, too. I just didn’t. It pissed me off. Big time.

Hey, I’m no prude. . .far from it. . .very far from it. I like a steamy sex scene in a book as much as the next gal. Ken Follett can get me there in a few beautifully written paragraphs. Brilliant! I have to read Greg Isles’ books with a garden hose at the ready. Lisa Scottoline can weave sex into the most horrendous murder. With good writing! GOOD writing.

But this crap. . .this tying up. . .semi-torturing. . .sadomasochistic bullshit?! Yes, bullshit! I’ll say it again! Bullshit! “Safe word” my aunt fanny! Come on people. What kind of message do we send our girls and young women who are just reaching the age where they want to commit to a relationship and share themselves? Where does anyone get off passing this sort of sex play as “normal”? No, not even normal. . .expected. . .the best. . .the perfect way! This is not a good message to send to young women. Knock it off!

Women have spent the last bazillion years trying to be taken seriously on every level, including sexually. Then an average. . .no, a BAD writer comes along with a way too long book that savvy editors chop into three sub-standard books and they fly off the shelves like they are made of flash powder doused in gasoline. Because of bondage? Seriously? I’ll be leaving the world now, because I’ve heard it all!

When I expressed how awful I thought the first book was, co-workers suggested I read the second, which was supposed to be the best. . .and the third, which was also supposed to be good, or at least better writing than the first. No way would I waste one more minute of my time on any of them. No way. And now a movie? It’s just wrong!

Although some might not admit it, I think this book makes a lot of people uncomfortable and not just because of the graphic scenes. I think it’s because of the subliminal message that will leave some women thinking there is something wrong with them for being afraid of, or even turned off by this type of sex. Okay, it’s fiction, blah, blah, blah. If I didn’t like it why did I read it? Blah, blah, blah some more. How would I know I despised it unless I read it? I wasn’t embarrassed, or ashamed, or turned on. I’ve read a lot of hot sex scenes. Believe me, I would have learned a lot more about American History in high school if they had made John Jakes steamy series of novels part of the curriculum. You know, throw in a little sex to get my attention about Gettysburg. But with this book I was mad. Damn mad! I wanted to red-pencil the text. I wanted to circle the trite comments and redundant phrasing.

So please listen to me all of you young women out there. When YOU are ready. . .when you have your brain working as efficiently as your hormones. . .you will become sexually active. Sex is great. I’m not gonna lie about that. When it is shared with someone you truly love, there is nothing better in this world. LOVE. That’s the real secret. Sex for sex sake is one thing, but sex surrounded by love defies description. This book/movie has nothing to do with love or romance and everything to do with male power, domination and control. When you are in love, it is up to you and your partner to decide what works for you both. Don’t be coerced or shamed or made to feel less-than if you are not 100% comfortable with something.

Use your brain. . .and your voice! Whatever consenting adults do in the privacy of their bedroom is fine with me. Did you get those two words? Consenting. Privacy. But let me throw out another word. . .responsibility. BOTH parties have a responsibility for safe sex, free from disease or unwanted pregnancy. Then, if you WANT to get a little kinky or haul out the toys, fine, just don’t think it’s a prerequisite for a satisfying experience. That’s communication, baby! And communication takes your BRAIN, which is the most vital sex organ you have.

You can bet the rent that young, still naive girls and women are reading this and some might think it is necessary. . .no expected, that they “perform” and “submit” the way this book/movie suggests is “normal”. It isn’t. You just have to show up mentally, emotionally and physically. With time, practice and communication, nature will take its course with the rest. And then you, too, can be grateful you are 100 shades of smart!

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