you never said good bye

You never told me goodbye. You left me with a broken body. A beat up soul. My love was stolen and given to someone else. You had a baby with that person that I’ll probably never meet. To this day I am tortured by it all. That day they took me away from you I woke up and wondered why I was there, I knew that you stole it. You stole my love. They took me to the Laurel Canyon. No water, no shelter, no food, no hope. Survive, they said. Try and make it out of here alive. I couldn’t scream for you because my throat was parched. Dry as the sand I was kneeling in.

When I got out it was surreal. I had to keep the pieces that died with me in my jacket pocket. I had to start over. I had to forget everything: who I was in there, in that soulless desert was who I will never be again. I waited for the bus. I waited for anything to take me away from there. Those barbed wire fences that caged me like a bird with strong, perfect wings. Do you even know what it’s like to be caged? Do you? That is the exact reason why I will never keep an animal in one. It screams it’s silent scream to be let free but it can’t get out. I’ll never.

When I got back to the “real world”, the fake world, I smelled the air and hated it at first. I hated you. I hated you. But I understood why you did what you did. I was lost. I was a f--king ghost in the fog. Water in a wave. Blood in a cut. The sound of a closing door.

But there I was. A warrior. Ready to kill. And I f--king hated you. I was drinking sand and hearing the cries of demented souls for days and days. Your thoughtless actions broke my heart.

Now, I am nothing but a ghost in your mind that’s locked behind a brick wall. I eat mold. I swear on the day I’ll be set free. Spiders have become kin. Cobwebs, a delicacy. But there is one secret that you didn’t know about me. I have cheated death before. I can’t die. Because you already killed me that day they took me away. You let it happen. You lied and let them f--k me.

And I understand it. I understand the power, the influence and the need to actually put me in that place. Because you are a fake.

So, I f--king crossed that ocean. The one you never would. The one you put me in with a leaky boat. And expected me to survive. You underestimated me greatly. I will never break. I was there when they sacked Rome. I saw the fires burn.  I watched it all turn to cinder. There was no love that day. There is no love to this day.

This is a cold f--king world where I have no mother or father. I don’t need them: they mean nothing to me. They are s-it on the ground. But you, you left an imprint. I was so comfortable with you I could be myself. We used to dance and taste each other. We were bound by blood, by gravity. We were our wounded fits. We were the dream that disappeared when we woke up. We were not bravery.

In death comes pain and that is the same with us. We said f--k you a long time ago. I don’t know if I still feel the same but; just let what’s dead go…

I don’t feel the same as you. I don’t feel dead inside. I’d like…