The Phils Come Alive at the Plate and the Eagles Eye another Jailbird

Welcome back, readers!

Hopefully you had an enjoyable Memorial Day weekend, feasting on hamburgers, hot dogs and the occasional adult beverage (assuming you're not a ).

This week's Phour for Phour will take a look at a startling turnaround for the Phillies offense, the possibility of Plaxico Burress becoming an Eagle, and we'll answer a few user-submitted questions about soccer.

We're also going to announce the winner of last week's Phillies contest, but you'll have to read on to the end, because if I have to answer questions about soccer, you have to read them. It's only fair.

Doop!

The Good

They're baaaaack!

I've never been one to pat myself on the back, so instead I'll pat Ambler Patch blogger on the back, for pretty much saying the same thing that I did.  Well done, Mark!  You know what they say about great minds?

In the first week since Chase Utley has returned and Domonic Brown got the call-up, the Phillies offense exploded for 44 runs in seven games, including two games with double digit scoring. Brown posted 9 hits, 4 RBIs and a .310 batting average for the week and while Utley may not have had the best week of his career, he did pop his first homerun of the year.

Utley's presence in the clubhouse and on the field always seems to motivate his teammates. It'd be hard not to be motivated by a guy who still busts it down the first base line, even when he knows he popped out.

The Phillies now look like the team we've grown accustomed to seeing. With Victorino making his way back from the DL, it might be safe to say that the days of butthole-puckering baseball may have come to an end.

Question: What do you make of Ibanez's sudden hitting streak?

Move Over, Babe!

Wilson Valdez is now the second Phillies utility player to have their clothing shipped off to the Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, N.Y. in the past three years, joining Eric Bruntlett, the same man whose job he stole.

Not since Babe Ruth in 1921 has a baseball player started a game in the field and earned a victory as a pitcher in the same game.

Thanks to a 19-inning contest against the Reds, in which Phillies Manager Charlie Manuel ran out of available pitchers, Valdez ended up getting the call to pitch. He retired the side without allowing a hit, including outs against the reigning National League MVP Joey Votto, and current National League leader in homeruns Jay Bruce.

Though Bruntlett's single-handed triple play was as much luck as it was skill, Valdez actually worked his way into the record books. 

Question: When you saw Valdez coming in to pitch at 1 a.m., did you go to bed?

The Bad

Bullet-hole Burress

There's been quite a bit of speculation regarding Plaxico Burress joining the Philadelphia Eagles for the upcoming season. Though visions of Burress demolishing the Birds' secondary still plague those who bleed green, bringing him in would not only be unnecessary, it would be monstrously stupid.

The guy is 34 years old and he's spent the last two years in prison for shooting himself in the leg in a crowded New York club. The Eagles already have their "second chance" player in Michael Vick. Besides, with Jackson and Maclin on the ends and Avant performing admirably in the slot, how can anyone justify bringing Burress in, even for a look?

Question: Can you give one reason that Burress and the Eagles would be a good fit?

The Ugly

The People's Champ

Remember Freddie Mitchell? The Eagles first-round bust who hit the unemployment line after the 2005 Super Bowl loss?  Why is he still talking?

I'm not sure what the issue is, but there should be a federal ordinance that prohibits Mitchell from coming within 500 feet of a microphone. I turned on WIP the other day to check out the Eskin and Reese show and, sure enough, Mitchell resurfaced, still talking about McNabb, still talking about Andy Reid and still failing to indentify that he is not a celebrity, nor is he a Philadelphia football hero.

As I write this, the headline on ProFootballTalk is "Freddie Mitchell Warns Kevin Kolb About Andy Reid." What advice could Freddie possibly offer anyone, outside of how to ruin a career with a lack of effort and how to blow your money on an unsuccessful BBQ franchise?

Thanks for 4th and 26 Freddie. Now please go back to your life of obscurity, hanging out with Urkel and talking about the time when you weren't a complete failure.

Question: How many TD's did Mitchell score in his career?

Quote of the Week

"I love how the Mets are the only MLB team that comes with a self-destruct button," said Kyle Berger, a Lansdale resident and lifelong Phillies fan, after another Mets collapse to the Phillies.

Video of the Week

How could it be anything other than Wilson Valdez throwing a scoring 19th inning.  Note the "This guy can flat out pitch" quote by Phillies radio announcer, Larry Anderson.

Submitted Questions

"I enjoy reading your column, but why so much hate on the Union? Soccer is a sport, too."

– Carly, Collegeville.

Thank you for reading, Carly. 

Soccer is not a sport. It is exercise, where people with incredibly long attention-spans spend hours watching men run around. There is no hitting, no athleticism and no entertainment in the "sport."

The men are well conditioned and they can run. Occasionally while running, a ball will land in front of them and they can try to kick it through a gigantic goal, or they can kick it to someone else and continue running.

The same entertainment value can be found by standing next to a treadmill at your local gym and throwing a ball in front of a runner every 5 minutes or so.

"I've taken my boys to play soccer for four years now and they love it!  I enjoy being a soccer mom and I'm glad to see that the Union game shave been added to your weekly schedule. Is there any chance we'll see a free Union ticket giveaway?

– Beth, Whitemarsh.

Considering you're the second person to ask this question, the answer is probably yes.

Still, I strongly urge you to make men out of your boys and involve them in a real sport such as baseball, football, basketball or even ultimate frisbee. 

"Doop Doop Doop Doop Do Do Do Doop!"

– Unsigned

I'll see your silly little mantra and raise you a man's chant.  E-A-G-L-E-S, EAGLES!

Winner of the Week

The winner of last week's Phillies ticket giveaway is Darlene Alessandrini!  Congratulations, Darlene!  We'll be in touch with you in the next 24 hours, so go ahead and pick out which game you'd like to go to.

Looking Forward

The Phillies will finish up a series with the Nationals and then head to Pittsburgh for a three game set against the Pirates. The Union also have a game coming up against Colorado.

Here's your Philadelphia sports schedule for the week:

Tuesday

• Phillies at Washington 7:05 p.m. on CSN

Wednesday

• Phillies at Washington 1:05 p.m. on CSN

Friday

• Phillies at Pirates  7:05 p.m. on CSN

Saturday

• Phillies at Pirates 7:05 p.m. on CSN

• Union vs  Colorado 9 p.m. on TSN

Sunday

• Phillies at Pirates 1:35 p.m. on PHL 17

If you have any questions you would like to see answered in next week's Phour for Phour, email them to slavetologic@gmail.com. They may now include the words "doop" and "soccer."