Couples and Money

As Valentine's Day approaches many of you will be thinking it is the perfect time to get engaged. 

While a romantic gesture to the one you love, you may want to consider one of the major factors in divorce before you go into marriage. This factor is different ways of looking at money.

For most, money is tightly integrated into personality and it will not be one of those things that will change after the wedding; really, no matter what you think!

Usually contention comes when one person is the spender and one is the saver. Those who are savers will be frustrated the spender using all the money with visions of losing their future nest eggs. Those who are spenders will feel like the saver doesn't allow them to buy anything and is unable to live for the moment.

Honest conversations about how you view money can help the realtionship. Some see it as a form of freedom, some see it as power, some see it as a tool for living and still others see the paper as having some sort of power. Some people have the comfort level of $10 in their wallet means they have enough to live, others believe they need $800 in the wallet to feel they have enough. Knowing these things about your potential mate can help you in your relationship, just like knowing if one really likes to stockpile goods if they get a great sale even on things you would not typically purchase.

Remember to discuss how your past families spent money and any differences you wish could have occured. If you have any concerns or difficulty approaching this subject, see a life coach or someone who works with pre-marriage preparations.

Before you go into a marriage consider having an agreement about how money is used. Who will hold bank accounts for what reason and how much money is contributed into each account? Who will do the bills and track the money? What rights do they have as the bill payer? Also what is the limit which requires each of your input to purchase. For example maybe anything over $100 purchased for the house is considered a joint decision.

One of the paradigms which works for folks is a common account and private accounts for each of the family members. The common account covers all common bills including common entertainment like vacation or date nights. The private money is used for the individual's clothing and personal entertainment. With this paradigm the individual can purchase whatever they choose with their private monies without getting permission.

Distribution into the common account is done evenly or based on the amount the individuals make, such as if the wife makes $100K a year and the husband $50K, then the wife contributes two thirds towards the common account and the husband contributes one third.

Another paradigm is to put everything into the common account and draw down as needed. This method can make you feel like you are working together towards common goals. This requires each individual to keep track and report spending to the other. It can hold a shop-a-holic accountable, but it will require much more discussion about every purchase. It is also the best approach if there is only one breadwinner in the family.

Of course there are variations on these paradigms. The main thing is that you get something that works with the least frustration for the individuals involved. Get the help you need to figure this out, it is that important to your relationship! This preplanning work can keep the two of you together and the love flowing strong.

Linda Bender is a metaphysical doctor trained as a medical intuitive. She uses over 20 holistic life coaching and touch therapy techniques from Reiki to personal training to help you reduce stress and pain so your body invokes its natural healing ability. She is at on Church Street in Phoenixville. See www.BenderHealing.com or call 800-706-1354 for more information.