R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Find out what it means to you

Aretha Franklin sang about it. To honor retiring Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter, a hashtag popped up on Twitter - #R2SPECT. We show it to people, places, and flags. But what exactly is respect?

Simply put, respect is admiring something or someone deeply, deeply enough to demonstrate that feeling through words and deeds. It’s hard to earn, but easy to lose. And once you lose it, it can be twice as hard to regain.

But learning to respect others, and yourself, is a critical part of success in life. Every day, kids interact with a lot of people: teachers, peers, coaches, other parents, librarians, sales clerks, restaurant staff – the list goes on. Every one of these people deserves respect. In some cases, success can depend on it. If your child is disrespectful to an authority figure (a teacher or a coach), he risks face punishment, such as detention or expulsion from the team. If he’s disrespectful to peers, he won’t have many friends. And if he’s disrespectful to other people, such as the waiter at your favorite restaurant, it shows a pattern of behavior that will be detrimental some day, at some point.

Similarly, we need to teach our kids to respect themselves. Why? Because it’s hard for people to respect a person to obviously doesn’t think much of herself. If your child leaves the house with dirty hair, ragged clothes, and presents herself to the world with a message of “never mind me, I’m nobody,” it will be hard to expect other people to counter that message.

So how do you teach respect? Here are some tips.

1. Make an introduction. Learn how to properly greet someone, especially for the first time. When you meet a new person, saying “hey there” isn’t the best option. Teach kids how to introduce themselves in a friendly, confident, respectful manner. “Hi, my name is Tommy. What’s your name?”

2. Practice makes perfect. As painful as it might be for parents to be in public with kids who are still struggling with the finer points of showing respect, they won’t be able to learn what they don’t practice. Take your kids out where they can practice being respectful. You can’t learn to respect others if you never meet other people at places outside the home. School events (such as sports games or class parties), visits to friends’ houses, or eating at restaurants are great places where kids can practice their newfound respect skills.

3. Rules of respect. Make sure your rules are respect-based. What kind of behavior is expected in different situations? Is there a different way to act if kids are around friends or adults? Don’t forget to address online rules. The Internet is a very anonymous environment, and it’s easy to say disrespectful things because “no one knows it’s you.” Remember, if you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, you shouldn’t say it online either.

4. Make respect an online habit. Remember that a thing such as parties or computer-interaction time is a privilege, not a right. As part of that privilege, set clear expectations for actions, including how you expect other people to be treated. Giving kids clear guidelines and expectations not only sets a good framework, it provides a measuring system so you know they are ready for more responsibility and choices.

Aretha was right. Respect is a powerful thing. And everybody needs a little of it. Take the time to learn what respect means to you, and you’ll be sure to find yourself getting some in return.

Oakmont Martial Arts is licensed by the American Taekwondo Association, the premier North American organization dedicated to the martial arts discipline of taekwondo. They offer training for young children (Tiny Tigers, 3-6), youth (6-13), teens and adults, as well as adult fitness classes. Visit www.OakmontMartialArts.com or their Facebook page ( https://www.facebook.com/ataOakmont) for more information, or call 412-826-8004 to schedule an introductory lesson.

A software technical writer by day, Mary Sutton is the mother of two teens and has been making her living with words for over ten years. She is the author of the Hero’s Swordmiddle-grade fantasy series, writing as M.E. Sutton, and The Laurel Highlands Mysteries police-procedural series, writing as Liz Milliron. Visit her online at www.marysuttonauthor.com.