Responsibility - Learning to act on your own

We all have things that have to be done: pay the bills, go to work, wash the dishes, do the laundry, complete homework. Most of us don’t have people running after us reminding us to do these things – we just do them. But how did we learn to do it? Where did we learn to be responsible?

Make no mistake, responsibility is learned. People don’t wake up one day and suddenly take charge of their actions. It is a learned skill, acquired over time.

So how do parents teach this skill? The world, and society, will eventually expect us to be responsible people. Fortunately, like almost everything else, responsibility is something everyone can learn given the right encouragement.

1. Start early. Many people thing small children can’t be responsible, but that isn’t true. Kids, from a very young age, can start learning responsibility. When you start teaching responsible habits at a young age, it will become part of a routine. When your child plays with a toy, have them put it away before moving onto the next activity. This will teach them how to clean up after themselves and not rely on others to do it. If children make responsibility a routine at a young age, you will not have to try to teach them the habit as a teenager, when the stakes, and the level of resistance, are much higher.

2. Praise when appropriate. As with anything else, positive reinforcement is a key to success. Children naturally want to please others, so knowing their actions make you happy will encourage them to repeat the behavior. The praise doesn’t have to be extravagant. A simple thank-you is enough. “Thank you for clearing your dishes. You really becoming a responsible person.”

3. Get a helping hand. A lot of times, doing something by yourself is much faster and simpler – and sometimes neater. But by doing everything by yourself, you deprive your child of the opportunity to learn. Let your child help out with everyday tasks, such as clearing or setting the table, making dinner, or sorting the laundry. Sure it might take longer and be a bit messier, but you’ll be teaching an important life skill – and spending some quality time with your child.

4. Make it routine. Children respond to routine, the same actions repeated in the same sequence. Repetition teaches that it is necessary to get dressed, brush teeth, eat breakfast and pack the backpack before watching TV or playing a game. Watching TV or playing isn’t a reward for doing the chores. But putting the “fun stuff” after “work” shows that good things do come to those who wait – or get the responsibilities taken care of.

5. Cause and Effect. Every action has a reaction. When your child puts his things away, he’ll be able to find them again next time. If the house chores are completed, she can go out to play. But resist the temptation to swoop in and protect your child from negative consequences when they fail in their responsibilities. If he doesn’t pack his sports equipment, he won’t be able to play in the game. Don’t run home and get it for him; let him feel the consequences of his actions.

Learning responsibility isn’t always fun and games. But learning in at a young age will make the rest of her life much easier.

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Oakmont Martial Arts is licensed by the American Taekwondo Association, the premier North American organization dedicated to the martial arts discipline of taekwondo. They offer training for young children (Tiny Tigers, 3-6), youth (6-13), teens and adults, as well as adult fitness classes. Visit www.OakmontMartialArts.com or their Facebook page ( https://www.facebook.com/ataOakmont) for more information, or call 412-826-8004 to schedule an introductory lesson.

A software technical writer by day, Mary Sutton is the mother of two teens and has been making her living with words for over ten years. She is the author of the Hero’s Swordmiddle-grade fantasy series, writing as M.E. Sutton, and The Laurel Highlands Mysteries police-procedural series, writing as Liz Milliron. Visit her online at www.marysuttonauthor.com.