Ten Commandments—For the Sidelines

The Ten Commandments for Enthusiastic Parents—wisspresby.org

Note:  After coaching college and high school teams, playing for a nationally ranked Division 1 team, and then coaching my three boys in a number of sports, I have recently hung up my whistle to watch one son compete in college, another start for his high school team, and the youngest play travel.  I have to confess that standing on the sidelines watching is more difficult than I thought it would be.  I’ve noticed that I have a great deal of company.  While we parents pay for professional coaches, it would appear that many of us are convinced that we have much more to add.  One other thing, I’m a cleric who enjoys the Letterman Show.  So I thought I would offer my own Top Ten List. 

Ten Commandments for Enthusiastic Parents

1. Let the Coach be the Coach (especially during the game).  While you might have some great advice remember that while you’re shouting instructions during a game your child may be trying to mark a man, look for space, front a really skilled player, carry the ball, back up another player, listen to a coach and a teammate. It’s a lot to take in.  Trust the game, trust the practice, and trust your child.  They may not learn the lesson when you want them to, but they will learn it, and they will be better for learning it in their own time.
2. Give the other team some credit.  Chances are that the opposing kids have been driven all of over creation to practices and games by parents who love them just like you love your kid.  And while an opponent might appear to be a nasty kid when they collide with your son or daughter, remember, they are not EVIL.  (Note:  Some coaches, teams and parents have made me question the 4^th Commandment but deep down I know it to be true.)
3. Avoid backhanded compliments like “Noooow you’re playing well.”  Kids are smart.  They will immediately decode that statement into the following:  “So you must have really thought we stunk before.”
4. Let the kids know when they’re doing great.   (You don’t need to let them know when they messed up. Chances are they not only know it, but they feel horrible about it.)
5. Refrain from yelling at the ref.  Remember, refs in the World Cup stink too.  There is no such thing as a good ref.  I recommend that everyone who has something to shout at a ref walk a mile in their spikes and officiate a competitive game first.  It’s a thankless job.  If you make one team happy, you make the other furious.  In the end, you have to trust the law of averages and believe the other team will get as many bad calls as your team.  If you believe it is your job to work (or badger) the ref, remember – that’s the coach’s job.  If you obey this commandment your child will be grateful.  (Note: I have violated this commandment before and I’m trying to reform.)
6. Enjoy the people around you.  If they are there it means they, like you, are doing everything they can to help their child make it and be part of the team.  They, like you, have worked all week and this is their time-off, their free time –so find some ways to enjoy it together.  I remember one great parent would throw his grill in the back of his truck and have a tailgate party before the games.  If you’re annoyed by another parent, remember there is a lot of room on the side line (i.e. avoid them).  If it gets really bad, write an article.
7. Enjoy the game.  Simply by being present for your kid – they are better for it.  They don’t know that their chances of success in life dramatically increase when they are part of a team, work towards a common goal, and are physically and socially active – but you do.  Woody Allen had it right, 90% of life is just showing up.  If your child is playing on a team, you’re already 90% there – enjoy it.
8. After a loss, listen to your child.  Chances are that you are the only one in the world who will really listen to them post game.  It won’t feel like a privilege but it is.    After an ugly game, get ready to do the most important parenting in the world.  It’s no time for an argument.  Your child has just been in a competitive match for 60 minutes (or more), they don’t need another contest. Help them remember what they did well, emphasize the positive, and be ready to imitate a duck with water by letting their anger roll off your back.
9. If things go well, celebrate.   If things go poorly, celebrate.  Life’s too short.
10. Hydrate.

See you on the sidelines,

Graham Robinson       wisspresby.org