'Getting Up and Moving On' Springfield- A Long Way from 'Sex and the City'

"Getting Up and Moving On"

Continued from the previous post "Get Real, Get Angry and Get Over It"

*Names have been changed.

I finished the book in about two weeks, which is a record for me since I always despised reading as a child. I know, how can one enjoy writing but hate reading so much? I don't know, unless it interests me thoroughly, I just can't do it.

Anyway, after reading the book, "Its Called a Breakup Because It's Broken," I took the time to think about it a lot. Not just what I had been doing, which was the replaying of moments about what I did wrong, or what I could have should have done, but the whole picture. What kind of person Ryan* truly was, and what kind of person he had made me and was that in fact really who I was. I guess you could say that, amidst all of my emotional heartbreak, I did a lot of soul searching. And within that searching I finally began to get angry with Ryan*. 

He was destroying me and the funny part about it was that he wasn't even the one doing the destroying firsthand; it was me. I was letting him help me destroy myself. Over what?

Because when it came down to it, and all of the cards were laid out on the table, the outcome was still the same. He was a liar and a coward. I was still alone having to deal with this on my own.

So what was I gaining other than pounds due to my ice cream addiction and restless nights? The answer is nothing. I was letting him win..again. He had already hurt me once, so why was I letting him do it again, this time especially without any effort. It wasn't worth it and I was just too good of a person to let someone like him have all of me. He sure as hell didn't deserve it. 

So what did I do about it? Well, naturally, I did what any woman would do: I went out and rented the Notebook. Just kidding. 

I got PISSED really pissed! And, I ripped off that band-aid as fast as I could!

I purposely drove past that restaurant and even had lunch there with a friend. It was painful, but, after I left, I had a new memory of that place and it had nothing to do with Ryan*. I even watched a movie with the actor Patrick Wilson in it, which was the hardest thing of all, because Ryan* looked exactly like him. And afterwards I realized two things, Patrick Wilson is a terrible actor but he's a hell of a lot hotter than Ryan* would ever be :) 

For the first time in my life, I felt like I was actually dating someone who respected me and attended to all of my needs, (well most of them) and that person was me. I'm not trying to sound like a spiritual hippie here where I'm pleading for you to "find your inner soul" or some nonsense like that, but, really, I was beginning to finally understand who I was as a person and what I really wanted out of life. Let me tell you, it wasn't someone like Ryan*. 

I had my good days, and I had bad days. None of this came easy. None of it happened over night. I had a lot of support from friends and family. It was hard, really hard. There were definitely a lot of ups and downs, Christmas and Valentine's Day being two of the biggest downs. I'd have my moments where I'd wanna crawl in bed and die but then I'd have my moments where I was so happy to be alive. 

A breakup or any form of heartache can kill you, it will eat you from the inside out, if you let it. One of the most important things to know is that no matter how much it feels like your alone, you're not. Just know that somewhere out there, maybe even in your neighborhood or across the universe, there's another woman going through the same thing. We've all been there and it sucks. It really sucks. 

And it's okay to cry and it's certainly okay to get pissed off, not at yourself though, at him. Unless you did something dumb like cheat on him, but we won't get into that. 

It was definitely a struggle for me, there were times where I remember thinking, "Am I always going to feel this way?" And I didn't, but I did for a long time. No matter how bad it hurts, you have to try and keep your head above water for as long as you can, trust me, help is on the way. 

Last, here is a quote from the movie "The Holiday" that my friend sent to me when she knew I was having a rough time. I didn't understand it's significance at the time, since all it did was make me burst into tears. Now, as I'm on the outside looking in, I can say that I deem it to be very true.

"And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood and how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new and you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."

Keep Shining :)

Lauren