'Truth Will Find the One Who Lied' Springfield- A Long Way from 'Sex and the City'

I would like to assume by now we're all on the same page, so I don't need to back track. Therefore, we'll pick up right where we left off, with Ryan*.

"Truth will find the one who lied"

He never called me that night, or the next. Like I said, it was about a month until I had heard from him again. As bad as I wanted to talk to him, I figured that I needed to leave the ball in his court. I truthfully thought that all he needed was time to think things through. That maybe he really cared about me, and was almost a bit scared about the "intense" feelings he claimed to have had for me. But now, as I look back I think, "Really Laur? You think he needs that much time?" obviously, not.

I began to drive myself crazy. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat,  I couldn't do anything. I was a mess. My friends wanted to kill me, as all I would do was talk about him and try to analyze every single piece of the situation, mainly to figure out WHAT THE HELL was going on, because I still had NO clue. Amidst all of this, the only thing I COULD do was to stalk his facebook page. Yes, as ashamed as I am to admit it, I stalked. But! I'm sure I'm not the ONLY woman out there who has ever stalked an ex or anyone on facebook for that matter (you ladies know who you are). 

Anyway, during one of my daily stalks, I came across a picture this woman had posted on his wall of the two of them. It seemed harmless looking, they appeared to be sitting on a couch and the caption had something to do with watching the Phillies game. I assumed it was just a friend of his.  

Now, here comes another mistake I had made (remember those red flags?) and I assure you I WILL NEVER make this mistake again. 

Ladies, ladies, ladies, I CANNOT stress to you enough how important it is to do your research. Now, I'm not talking social security number, yearly income, or anything like that, I'm talking previous relationship experience. As much as you don't want to pry, or seem a bit crazy, you have every right to want to know a little about the car before you buy it!

When Ryan* and I first started dating, we had exchanged a small amount of information about our previous relationships. I told him about John* (the guy I was dating before Ryan*) and how crazy he was, and he told me about Natalie* his most previous girlfriend, whom cheated on him and lied, and then finally broke it off with him. BUT that was it. That was ALL we ever talked about.  I never asked how recently they broke up, saw what she looked like, or anything else.  Now, don't get me wrong, you don't need to know EVERYTHING about your man's past. Some things are in fact better off where they are, in the past, especially if you're in a healthy place with your current love interest. To be honest, I'd rather not share the full trim of my bikini line, but, it does help to gain a little bit of knowledge about who this person is and what you could potentially be getting yourself into, or in my case, not into.

So back to not hearing from him, one afternoon I saw him online and decided to message him. Surprisingly, he responded. This, of course, made me breathe a huge sigh of relief. I eventually got him to agree to call me later (I was so pathetic) and, he did.

The conversation started off okay. We did some catching up. I was pumped to tell him that in the spring I would start a new job, which would require me to move closer to him. I figured that would help bring us back together since, ya know, distance was the main issue.

Unfortunately, that still was not enough. I expected him to be thrilled and that we'd talk about starting things over. Yeah, that's not how it went. He could have cared less in all honesty. So then I said, "Look Ryan,* what is really going on here. This is ridiculous, and I deserve every right to know the truth, is there someone else? Are you back with your ex? What?"

He assured me that none of that was the case, and that he did care about me, it's just.....the distance. We were right back where we were before, and that was nowhere.

Then I reminded him that I had some things of his and that we'd probably have to meet up so I could give them back to him. He said he did want to see me, so there again was that glimmer of hope. We talked for a week straight after that, things seemed to be getting better. I was starting to feel that maybe we were going to make it through this.

Thanksgiving was a few days away and he told me he was going away for the holiday.  I guess this was supposed to signal me not to contact him over the weekend. The whole idea of him going away for Thanksgiving seemed a bit strange to me since he lived about 15 minutes from most of his family and a few others were only about 45 minutes away, but again, whatever.

We spoke via text message the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. We agreed we’d catch up.

I never heard from him ever again.

After that, I began to start piecing together what I could. After much confusion, I again went back onto his facebook page (after all, this was all I had.) I found another picture the same woman had posted. Except this time it was a picture of a tropical island that had the caption, “In exactly 45 days and 10 hours we’ll be on a plane headed to this island.” Who on earth was this woman? So, then I began to back track his wall posts. I went all of the way back to about a month before he and I met, and there it was. BAM! The same chick, had written, “I love you Ry*” on his wall exactly a month before we met.

For the longest time I couldn’t remember his ex-girlfriend’s name (obviously it wasn’t that important to me) and then it dawned on me! Natalie*, THIS GIRL! WAS HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND! There it was my proof. He was a liar, an a**hole and a coward.

I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces. All this time when he could have, and should have, told me the truth he didn’t. All of this time I had been lying to myself, trying to believe that he was such a “nice” guy and that things were going to get better; he just needed time.

It wasn’t just that he lied to me, or that he went back with his ex, or that he had convinced me that I meant a lot to him, it was all of those reasons. I was so angry and felt betrayed and none of which by him, but by myself. Which I know now was totally wrong.

The next two months were extremely rough; I could barely get out of bed in the morning. I didn’t want to do anything. Things that I had once expressed interest in, like running and working out, no longer interested me. I kept living with this guilt that I did something wrong, but what did I do? I kept telling myself that he was going to come back but everyone else, including some part of me, knew he wasn’t.

I had never once been affected by a relationship in this way. I was so disappointed with myself. Whatever it was about him, it really cut me deep. I honestly couldn’t tell you why. The only reasoning I have ever been able to come up with is, that it was truly the first time (romantically) that I had ever felt the pain of betrayal. I had some pretty crumby relationship experiences in the past but no one had ever held the truth from me in the way that Ryan* did.

I almost felt used; like I was part of a ploy to get his ex back. So many things would run through my head on a daily basis. I had become obsessed with trying to figure this out, but it was like trying to solve a crime with no evidence…impossible.

By Christmas I was at my lowest. Especially when I came across a party invitation on facebook (of course) that he and Natalie* were holding. This really was, happening. And by New Years he had un-friended me on Facebook.  The door that gained me little access to his life was finally closed.

I feel foolish to speak of the facebook issue as a truly devastating experience, but unfortunately with all of the technology we have today, some people have become extremely dependent on these things, which can ultimately fracture certain relationships.

Anyhow, I decided that I needed to change, that living this way just wasn’t worth it. So I began to get angry not with myself but with Ryan*. This single step helped me embark on a path in which I not only reinvented myself but a path that really helped gain an understanding of who I really was and wanted to be as a person.

And so, this is where the real story begins.

Hope I didn’t bore you, but we had to start here to get to all of the good stuff!

Keep Shining J

-Lauren