'Witnessing the Horizon' Springfield- A Long Way from 'Sex and the City'

"Witnessing the Horizon"

Continued from the previous post "Getting Up and Moving On"

*Names have been changed.

 So what happened next? I lived. I continued living, for myself. I learned how to be selfish. I did things for me, for Lauren. I focused on things that made me happy. Friends, food J, running, writing anything and everything. And when things got harder, I pushed through twice as hard.

I’m not going to lie and tell you that it was easy, because it wasn’t. It was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. It was a battle I was basically fighting with myself and only one side could win.

Up until the whole ordeal with Ryan* I had never been much of a pessimistic person, but after him my first name may as well have been Debbie Downer. I was so negative ALL of the time. Every woe was me. I had to change this, I couldn’t keep living life this way, besides I almost lost a really good friend due to it.

One of my best friends had been dating someone who she was crazy about. When Ryan* and I broke up, they’re relationship was going really well. And since she was one of my best friends, she did what any woman would do and would always want to talk to me about him. And I of course, always had something negative to say about it. I wasn’t happy, so why should anyone else be?

I was living in my own little world of negativity. I couldn’t see how it was not only affecting me and my character but also the ones whom I loved.

Finally, my friend Laura* sat me down one day and brought me back to reality. One of the things I admire so much about Laura* is that she isn’t afraid to tell you how it is. And that she did. I had absolutely no idea that I had been affecting our friendship like this. I felt terrible. She told me that she loved me but I was becoming unbearable to be around and while she was trying to be supportive in what I was going through, at the same time, she needed support from me as a friend.

I decided that I needed to change, because I couldn’t bear to lose a friend thanks to Ryan*. So I fought hard to change, and fought I did. I thought of every possible thing that I enjoyed and I did it. Like I’ve said before, I had good days and I had bad days. But suddenly those bad days started to come fewer and further between. I was on the road to being happy again.

I was starting to come to realize that even when things were “good” with Ryan* they weren’t great, which is what they should have been. I came to realize that he lacked almost everything that I truly wanted in a man, that our relationship was missing a lot of key factors.

Of course every woman wants a guy who she is physically attracted to, but I also wanted someone who was intelligent, compassionate and, most of all, supportive. Supportive in my goals, my beliefs, supportive in who I am in general. Although, the situation with Ryan* ended messy, I was beginning to finally see that it was, in a way, meant to be.

I was going to find someone, someone who was great, and dammit I deserved it! I wasn’t going to settle for anything less.

You shouldn’t have to settle for anything in your life, especially when it comes to love! It’s not like buying a house where you may want to take some good with the bad, if the price is right.

NO! That’s where a lot of people, both male and female, tend to go wrong. If you’re in love, you’re in love, everything about that person makes you want to be with them. No ifs ands or buts about it!

You can’t force yourself to fall in love with someone, no matter how much you fear being alone or hurting the other’s feelings. Doubting is not love, you shouldn’t have to doubt anything about a person you want to be with. Because when you doubt something, you’re showing insecurity, and if you’re insecure with the person you’re supposed to be “in love” with then honey, we have a problem. You’re not being honest with yourself and clearly not them!

So, I decided to make made a promise to myself. While I hated being alone more than anything, I told myself that I was not going to settle. It definitely took a couple trial runs, trust me. Especially with one guy in particular, but I knew that there was no reason that I shouldn’t be allowed to get what I want. And that was, being truly happy.

I was single and, to be cliché, ready to mingle. So, I climbed back on that dating horse, put on my optimistic cap and set out for an eventful year of adventures in dating.