The Über Red

The issue of red light cameras,  is front page news.  But, seldom is there a word written, concerning the uber long light.  You know the ones, usually on the intersections of route 30 and any small street, the lights where you wonder if they are stuck in the "red" position, broken or the red has been painted on. This is the real scourge of suburban life.  You wake in the morning, make the bed, get dressed, throw back some OJ, tear out the door and get a red light. And not just a normal red light, the uber red light.  Everything in your body is in overdrive,  yet you are at standstill.  You grasp the wheel with sweaty, adrenaline-infused palms,  you stare expectantly at the light, anticipating bolting on the green and then ...nothing.  Just red.  Cobwebs form between the rear view mirror and the windshield.  You become board and file you nails.  While you wait, you have time to complete small personal tasks ; manicure, pedicure, give birth, finish your dissertation, discard old Acme receipts and polish the side mirror.  Finally, the light turns green.  However,  ennui has set in and you have lapsed into a coma.  That's when the car that pulled up behind you, four seconds ago, slams on his deafening horn, which  propels you through the intersection.  Confusion has clouded your thinking and you have hurled off in the wrong direction.  No problem, you hang a U-y.  Then you hear the siren.  You're pretty sure its for you and sneak a peak in the rearview mirror. Not good.   As you grab you license and registration, you know why it doesn't matter if  the suburbs doesn't get red light cameras.  The uber red will bring in just as much revenue.