In Defense of the Children

If you are an avid follower of Upper Moreland Patch (which I hope you are), and regularly read my Worth the Whisk Column (which I hope you do), you know I’m the kind of mom who takes her kids to restaurants.  I believe that each time I take them out to eat they continue their lesson in appropriate restaurant behavior.

Are they always perfect angels?  No. 

Every so often we have a meltdown, or they get antsy while waiting for the meal or the check to arrive.  At that point we try to pull another toy out of my bag, or take them outside.  Like most other parents I know, we don’t head out to dinner hoping our kids act up, embarrass us, or annoy other patrons.  We are, right along with the other diners, hoping for good behavior.

I have noticed recently that some adults at restaurants aren’t happy when they see a family being seated near them.   On two separate occasions last week, we were judged as offensive even before we were settled at a table. 

Last Tuesday night at a sit-down family pizza restaurant, a middle aged couple who was already halfway through their meal loudly asked the waitress to be reseated when we chose the table next to them.  Was my 1 year old daughter a little loud?  Yes, maybe.  But once settled in her seat with a toy and a pretzel appetizer, she calmed right down and was pleasant the rest of the meal. 

Later in the week, we went to an Asian restaurant and received a dirty look from a woman at a nearby table who groaned under her breath to her dining companion.  And this time, my kids hadn’t made a peep!  Just the mere possibility of poor behavior seemed to set this woman off. 

I know that there are some parents out there that do rude things like take their babies to the movies and allow them to talk or cry all the way through.  And there are parents out there that let their kids scream the entire meal, but all families aren’t like that.   I would even argue that most of the parents in this area are respectful of others.  I desperately want my kids to behave in public, and will do everything in my power to make sure they do.  I don’t want to ruin your restaurant experience, but I won’t apologize for simply bringing them along. 

We get similar reactions on airplanes. 

I cringe when I see a status update on Facebook that reads something like, “Just back from California, worst flight ever, screaming baby behind me the whole time.”  I agree, that is terrible.  But mostly for the kid who was upset.  And winning second prize for having had the worst time is the parent who was also hoping for a relaxing trip but instead was stressed and embarrassed.

When my son was 1 ½, my husband and I took him out to Pittsburgh for a Pennsylvania Bar Association conference.  Most of the people on our flight were associated with the conference – fellow attorneys, judges, lawmakers, and a few PA Supreme Court Justices.  I wanted our son to go down for his nap once we were en route, but he didn’t nod off after the first bottle.  I figured he might sleep if he had just a little more milk, but this plan backfired when he started screaming and threw up all over me.  Rookie mistake.  Mortification does not begin to describe how we felt when the flight attendant asked in a tight clipped voice if we needed the cleaning crew to come on board after the flight landed.

I was truly sorry that I bothered other people, especially those that my husband has to interact with professionally, but I certainly didn’t get on the plane thinking, “Gee, I hope my baby barfs all over me, stinks up the plane, and screams bloody murder for the rest of the time.”  I was chagrined by the situation more than anyone else, trust me.

I am sure there are plenty of people reading this who disagree with me wholeheartedly.  To those of you who think kids shouldn’t go to restaurants and there should be a separate section for children on flights: on behalf of all children, please accept my heartfelt apologies for disturbing you.  In return, I ask for your compassion and tolerance. 

And on behalf of all parents trying to get through a meal or flight with a squirmy, resistant, restless child(ren), I request that you cut us some slack.  Most parents are trying very hard, and sometimes despite our best efforts, children behave badly.  Thank you for being a model of politeness, our kids are learning by every example.