Single & Coping With Valentine's Day

It’s not easy to be single on Valentine’s Day. It can seem like the rest of the world is paired off two-by-two, leading to feelings of stress and loneliness. But don’t despair! There are ways to navigate the day so that you feel less alone and more in control of your situation.

How? By remembering that Valentine’s Day isn’t just about romantic love, it’s also about connecting with people in your life that are important. In fact, the American Psychological Association’s (APA) Stress in America survey finds that contact with others is an important way to manage personal stress, whether with a partner, family, or friends; and you can use these results to help cope with your Valentine’s Day stress.

As a member of the Rhode Island Psychological Association (RIPA), some of my colleagues and I suggest you start by adopting the following strategies:

• Set realistic expectations. Valentine’s Day is a commercial holiday, promoted to sell cards, candy, flowers, and jewelry. It also promotes the illusion that people in couples are happier than those who aren’t. Realizing that this may not be the case is important to feeling more comfortable with your own relationship status.
• Love yourself. Taking care of yourself helps you to take better care of others in your life. Do something you enjoy - go for a long walk, take a bubble bath, or listen to your favorite music. Buy yourself flowers or another treat.
• Remember what’s important. Commercialism can overshadow the true sentiment of any holiday, making us feel a need to show love through material objects. Remind yourself that the holiday is about love. Family, friends and other relationships in your life are all important. Expressing gratitude to others is a way to feel more loving, and in turn, more loved by others. Are there ways you can communicate with others who are special to you, telling them how much they mean to you? If you’ve suffered a loss through divorce or death of a spouse, perhaps there is a special friend who’s seen you through the tough times. Write a note or make a phone call to reach out on Valentine’s Day.
• Seek support. Talk about stress with your friends and family, particularly those who are also single. Getting things out in the open can help you navigate your feelings and work toward a solution.

Do I think these strategies will magically eliminate all your feelings of stress and loneliness? Of course not. But do I believe they can be the first steps to walking into the future you want, rather than the future you fear? Absolutely! And remember, if you continue to feel overwhelmed, consider talking with a professional such as a psychologist to help you develop coping strategies and better manage your stress. We professionals have the skills and training to help people learn to manage stress and cope more effectively with life’s problems.

For additional information on stress and lifestyle and behavior, visit www.apahelpcenter.org, read the blog www.yourmindyourbody.org and follow @apahelpcenter on Twitter. For referral assistance, find a Rhode Island psychologist at www.ripsych.org.