Creepy Crawly Spiders

Spiders are just plain creepy. I don't know if it's the eight, gangly and hairy legs or the big black, unforgiving eyes that look right through you with a predatory stare. Crawling on walls, skittering on the floor, hiding in crevices and corners. When I was little, I sometimes wished they were all dead. That tells you how little I knew about food webs back then. Because without spiders, insects would surely rule the Earth and "bug" us all to death.

I hate our Halloween spider decoration. It hangs from the ceiling and any loud, sudden noise makes it drop on a string and then it slowly pulls itself back up the string. It's now on the steps in the foyer just sitting there looking at passersby, doing more of what a real spider would do. Maybe I'll smash it with my shoe after Halloween, doing more of what a real bug killer would do.

And as the only male in the house, I am the annointed bug killer. I sometimes look in the mirror and see a metallic bug zapper with blue lights, indiscriminately killing any insect or arachnid that comes my way. During "Spider Season", which lasts from March through August, I am used to being told that a HUGE or WICKED LARGE spider is somewhere in the house and that I should kill it. Every single time I see this HUGE spider, I am relieved to find that it is simply normal-sized, because what they do not know is the actual size of some spiders that I have seen in the past. Two or three times I have witnessed an enormous spider that dwarfs all the ones I have seen in my life. No one else has seen these spiders and I don't care to inform my family members either because I don't enjoy inflicting psychological harm on other human beings. These "Monsterquest" spiders are dead, but I shudder to think that they may have left some offspring.

So when I see a spider I tell myself two things; "I am not its food," and "It gets rid of mosquitoes." These thoughts give me a brotherly bond with spiders in our mission to rid the Earth of evil, blood sucking mosquitoes. But even with our brotherly bond, I still think they are creepy.

So this Halloween when I am taking the little ones trick or treating, I don't look out for vampires or werewolves, I look out for the leaves rustling on the ground. Because I know in those leaves, a wolf spider is waiting for its prey.  And I can only hope that it's a mosquito.