The Do's and Don'ts of Not Getting the Part

After weeks of watching your child agonize and prepare for that audition, the news finally comes in.  And it's not good.  Your child did NOT get the part.  There are tears.  There is upset.  There is drama everywhere, though not the kind you were hoping for.  You feel powerless.  Your natural instinct is to try to fix.  Comfort.  Explain.  Though your instincts are well-meaning and entirely normal, there are definitely some pitfalls to be aware of as you negotiate your way through this temporary setback.

I have experienced this kind of loss from every perspective -- as the disappointed actress, the director whose decisions resulted in disappointment and, most recently, as the parent who experienced disappointment vicariously though my child.  In light of my multi pronged perspective, I am in a unique position to be able advise other parents and young actors who find themselves wading through the muck of rejection.

Please keep in mind that my advice presumes two things about your child:

1- That your child put forth, at the very least, a nominal amount of effort in preparation for his or her audition (practiced singing a song, memorized a monologue, researched the play, etc).

2 - That your child chose to audition with minimal prompting or ultimatums from loved ones and caregivers.

If 1 and 2 are true in your case, here are some suggestions to help you with the post-audition blues.

DO allow them time to grieve.  We don't like to see our children upset.  It can be time consuming, heartbreaking and even downright exhausting.  But, when it comes to feelings, it's better to accept than to resist them.  I'm not saying to enable your child to wallow or encourage them to stay depressed for as long as they want. But, if your child really wants to be an actor, then feeling her feelings is going to serve her better in the long run than trying to hurry up and get over it!

On the other hand, actors (and I dare say human beings in general) need to be able to manage their emotions.  I know it's ironic, but telling your child that it's ok to be sad and actually accepting that she feels sad will subtly and gently expedite the grieving process.

When my son is upset, his default position is to contradict everything I say and try to make me wrong.  But if I adopt the position that I understand his feelings, I accept them and then give him reasonable space to work though the situation on his own, it will take only about 20 min (or less) of him sulking in his room before he seeks me our for hugs and cuddles.  I suspect that the duration of the grieving process increases in proportion to a child's age.  So keep that in mind if you're the proud parent of an older teenager.

DO NOT disparage other actors, directors or individuals who are involved in the production.  
[click here to read the rest of the article on ExperimentsinTheater.com]


(c) Valerie Remillard Myette 2014