Airing Out My Dirty Laundry!

There are only two things that can make this grown woman cry — the threat of a teacher’s strike, or when one of my major appliances goes on the fritz. 

The latter is the cause of my near mental breakdown right after the holidays, and if I can manage to hang on until this Friday, my family can finally let me out of the padded room I’ve been spending most of my time in since our washer machine bit the dust the week before Christmas.

It all started about six years ago when I was perched on my soapbox announcing to the world (that would be my husband) that of all the housewives in New England, I was certainly the most deserving and in need of the all-mighty large capacity vibration reduced steam cycle Energy Star front-load washer to the tune of $1,800 and of course, the matching front-load dryer (for another $1,500). 

A designer color such as pomegranate red or twisted tangerine was of course, not necessary, unless my hardworking husband felt we could afford an extra $500 for that added luxury.

“But what’s the matter with a top loader?” he stammered. 

Completely insulted I quickly retorted, “You’ve got to be kidding me. We have seven kids (Annie had yet to make her appearance!), five of them boys, I do at least three loads a day and you don’t think that warrants the best that Whirlpool has to offer?”

Being the supportive, pleasing husband that he has been for the past 24 years, the discussion was soon over and the following week my new toys arrived, but not without incident.

The delivery guys tromped through the house, leaving a huge grease stain from the wheels of their transport dollies, and when I subtly questioned them about it they assured me that once the grease dried, it would vacuum right up.

I may be blonde (thank you Stephen!) but when it comes to dirt and stains I’m no fool.  Oil tracks left on a beige Berber rug are not going to go bye-bye when my trusty Hoover starts to suck.

That should’ve been the first sign about those &*()%$^^ front-loaders I just had to have, but at the time, I was so excited that I could sit several of my children down in the laundry room to watch the towels go round and round, leaving me free to clean toilets and pick up Legos that I thanked the appliance God’s above for inventing such an amazing machine.

Three months later the novelty of watching the dirty clothes spin like crazy had completely died down for my kids and speaking of death — it sure smelled like it in the laundry room as well.  My reputation for having the nose of a bloodhound has served me well, but this time, I failed miserably.

Silly old me—I didn’t realize that the rubber ring in the front of that thar front-loader could eat everything from socks to toddler leggings. Once I found the hodgepodge of missing clothing that had been breeding mildew for the past 12 weeks in that efficient rubber ring, I started thinking twice about my desperate pleas to have these state-of-the-art machines in my home.

About a week before my mega machines first anniversary, I encountered the first of many — yes, I said MANY — computer malfunctions on both the washer and dryer’s motherboards!  After the nice repairman would come have a look at $120 an hour, I would be told that he didn’t carry that particular part on his truck so it would have to be ordered.  Not locally, of course, but some remote corner of Nebraska would have the part, so all I needed to do was hang tight for about 17 days or so and then they would call to schedule the repair — another five days after that.

To make a very long saga short, though I know that the majority of you front-load people absolutely LOVE your machines — I am going on record as saying that I LOATHED mine.  Perhaps we got a couple of lemons (shame on you Duet), but when I found out that my washer had finally bit the dust, I grabbed our new appliance repair man and gave him the most appropriate hug I possibly could!

If all goes well, our new washer (the front-loader dryer refused to croak at the same time as his mate) — a full-capacity TOP LOADER with absolutely no computer system whatsoever — will be delivered and installed by the end of this week. It cost us less than $500 and best of all, I can start doing Tie-Dye again since I can stop it mid-cycle!  Woohoo!   (You know I’m kidding, right?)

Being without a washer for this long is no easy feat, but thanks to our Jacuzzi, a stream and rocks, my mother’s washer and the wherewithal to purchase a month’s supply of clean underwear for everyone, getting our dirty laundry clean has been painfully possible. 

So now that I’ve aired my dirty laundry in public, do you mind if I share with you how I REALLY feel about my stainless steel kitchen appliances?