Department Store Easter Bunny Shows His Dark Side

With Easter being this Sunday, I wanted to discuss something serious that afflicts us all at one time or another…Easter Bunny phobia.  

They give me a big ‘ole case of the freak outs! I want to be clear; I have nothing against the Easter Bunny himself.

I love the real Easter Bunny, all fluffy and cute in his little vest with a basket of eggs in his paw. (How did eggs and rabbits even get put together with the true meaning of Easter, anyway?)  I’m talking about the mall or department store Easter Bunny. His “helpers," if you can call them that.

Admit it. There are some scary-looking mall Easter bunnies out there, folks. 

Maybe it’s some big secret contest among Easter Bunny costume designers to see who make the creepiest, most nightmare-inducing costumes ever. Who are making these costumes and do they even like children? What’s with the leering eyes and creepy grins? Do they know that angling the eyebrows that way makes them look evil?! 

I have suffered from this phobia for years and despite my best efforts, adults dressed in fluffy bunny outfits give me the heebie-jeebies. And the more I talk to people, I realize how widespread this fear is.

It didn’t happen immediately. I can remember being a child and liking the standard-issue department store Easter Bunny just fine.

My parents would take me to the Swansea Mall and I’d stand in line with all the other kids in bell bottoms and polyester waiting for a glimpse of the Easter Bunny (or one of his helpers). I’d gladly hop on his lap and have my picture taken. I couldn’t understand why kids were screaming and running the other way. 

I think I was so enamored by the whole experience that I never really gave it much thought. At the time, I loved the idea of hugging a bunny and having it hug me back.  Come on, how cute is a person-size bunny in a vest? I mean, a rabbit wearing clothes?! Oh, Christina, how naïve you were…

I can’t say for certain when my love for the mall bunny started to wane and turn to good old-fashioned angst. I must have been thinking about them one day and really started analyzing the whole experience. 

Sure, I liked the Easter Bunny just fine, but what about other kids who weren’t as, um…wide eyed as I was.  Thinking back, they must have known the real deal.

Enticed into going into the mall with the promise of an Orange Julius, only to be tossed in line with the rest of us. Screaming and covered in tears as they’re thrown onto the Easter Bunny’s lap. His fur, once pristine and white now a dingy grey and matted down by the tears and loss of hope of hundreds of kids. The mesh covering his eyes dented from all the kicking and flailing. All captured by the snap of a camera to be cherished for posterity. 

I have to wonder if the parents standing in line with the other children my age thought the bunny was creepy.

I’m not saying I wouldn’t bring my kids to have their pictures taken with the Easter Bunny. I certainly would. Just like being hurled onto Santa’s lap, being terrorized by the mall Easter Bunny is a rite of passage.  

While momentarily terrifying, I think it’s healthy to scare your kids once in a while, take a picture, and use it as blackmail when they bring home their first girl/boyfriend.  

And man, does it make for a great story.