Class of 2002 Tiverton High School Reunion Debacle, Starts Now

DISCLAIMER: While the majority of this editorial is accurate, there are slight exaggerations and embellishments used in order to move this story forward in a humorous and entertaining way. Enjoy.

While at work yesterday I received the following Facebook alert on my iPhone:

“James Robert Black posted in Tiverton High 2002”

I kind of just stared down at my phone, confused. As if the text had displayed itself in a different language or something. This can’t be right. This can’t be right at all. The last person to post on that group page was Amber Alvarez back in 2008, asking if anyone had recently seen her missing children. Seriously, the use of the word “inactive” is an injustice when describing the activity on this page. There have never been any events posted, photos uploaded, or interesting documents to download.  Even worse than that is our "About" page; how about this gem of optimism and confidence:

“This is to all the graduates of Tiverton RI class of 2002 who would like to have a reunion at some point in our lives.”

Spoken like a true champion; the only class in the history of Tiverton High to not only cancel the haunted house but spell the name of our own yearbook wrong (if you don’t believe me, go look).  But before anyone starts to hang their heads, I have the latest ground-breaking news on our 10-year reunion. And believe me; you don’t want to miss this.

First and foremost, there has been a radical shift in our class’s political campaign. After being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes at the young age of 26, Jacob Anselmo was advised by his doctors to step down as Class President. As acting Vice-President, twice elected by the people in a landslide victory (as he unrelentingly reminds people), James Black took over as Commander in Chief and has revamped his staff with an arsenal of fresh talent. The always competent and reliable Mr. Dan Riley has moved offices and now serves as our Class Treasurer. And in a move that will certainly stir up conversations at the local water bubbler, Ms. Casey Cincotta is now our Class Vice-President; as I officially dub her the slightly more attractive Sarah Palin of Tiverton (hey, at least it’s not the Tara Reid of Tiverton award, as I’m pretty sure Courtney Seyster or Alice Hartnett still holds that precious hardware).

The first polls coming in are showing a 65% increase in Facebook activity on our group page in just the last 48 hours. A number that by most accounts will continue to rise. Interest has quickly grown and with rumors about the possible time and location of the event circling throughout Town, let me be the first to make the official announcement.

The 2002 Reunion will be held on Saturday, November 24 at the with more details to follow.

In a statement released by the Class President, James Black, “The Lil’ Bear is a special place for anyone who grew up in Tiverton". We may joke around and poke fun, but everyone at some point in their lives has a story that starts out with "Guess who I ran into last night at da Bear?" (those stories usually end with, ‘and then I woke up in a dumpster on Shove Street’). I want to reassure everyone that the other side of the restaurant still acts as a banquet hall; fireplace included, and will provide ample space for all our constituents. I would also like to add that the Portsmouth High School 25-Year Reunion was tentatively being planned for the same night, but we swept in before them and locked the place down. So those yah-who’s from across the river can kiss all our asses.”

In a nutshell, this is shaping up to be quite the occasion. The Town is already taking local protection measures and calling for back-up security on that night as it is being expected that this event will attract Tiverton’s finest going as far back as classes from the mid-to-late nineties. You know who you are.

I fully anticipate a memorable night with at least two curbside fights or domestic disputes, a marriage proposal, maybe a divorce settlement, and some questionable decision making. I truly hope everyone can make it and I honestly look forward to seeing you guys!