How to Cope With the Loss of Your Four-Legged Friend

I received a call from Joy, the mother of two young children, tearfully sharing with me the sad news that her constant companion of ten years, Mulligan, a golden retriever, had become sick and died.

It was difficult for the children to understand and Joy had called me for suggestions on what to do to help the children through this sad time. My suggestion included holding a funeral for the dog. She called me later that week and told me they held the funeral and invited family and neighbors who had been fond of Mulligan. They then planted a beautiful bleeding heart plant by his grave. Every year since then, the bleeding heart blooms and they once again remember Mulligan. Joy said it helped the children to accept the loss.

Pets enrich our lives and provide us with companionship, emotional support and unconditional love. With this intense bond, it’s natural to feel devastated by feelings of grief and sadness when a pet dies. Often gestures to honor and acknowledge the love we shared with our pets helps us to ease the sadness and sorrow.

When my dog, Dudley, had been put down due to old age and multiple debilitating ailments, my dog groomer sent me a beautiful sympathy card that included a wonderful poem about my dog’s neverending love. I was so thankful for that thoughtful gesture and saved the card in my memory box.

Nursing homes can be lonely places for residents yearning for the familiarity of home and those they left behind. Photos can bring comfort especially those new frames with rotating pictures or a screen saver on a computer. These photos can be a prompt to share fond memories with fellow residents and bring some peace.

One mistake happened when Stacy replaced Oscar the goldfish with a new “Oscar” in the hope that the original Oscar would not be missed. Trust me, this can backfire with angry distraught family members when the plot to disguise the pet is discovered and it often is. Replacing one pet for another is a well-meaning gesture to erase the pain of sorrow, however, is not a good idea. People need time to mourn the loss of a loved one for a healthy resolution.

It’s O.K. if you don’t have all the answers. Children are especially curious and can ask challenging questions. Just be patient, answer questions as best you can and share your sadness. This will show your youngsters that it’s ok that we don’t always have answers and that grief comes to older people as well.   

Remember, everyone needs time to grieve. Be a patient listener, that’s more important than having answers. Allow loved ones to express their grief with gestures that hold meaning for them; plan a funeral, plant the memory garden, display photos, be patient, everyone grieves in their own way. If you notice that someone is having an unhealthy response such as physical signs of depression, sleep lose, stomach aches or withdrawn, seek help from a bereavement counselor.