Lt. Governor Calls On Texas Rangers To Find Whoever Stole Tom Brady's Super Bowl Jersey In Houston

AUSTIN, TX — Whoever took New England Patriots Quarterback Tom Brady's jersey from NRG Stadium in Houston last night likely won't be able to post it on eBay for a nice profit. That's because Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick has marshaled the Texas Rangers to assist the Houston Police Department in locating the purloined garment.

Brady wore the jersey during last night's historic game against the Atlanta Falcons, a nail-biting spectacle that saw the first overtime Super Bowl game and a stunning come-from-behind win for the Patriots. Surely, the jersey worn by the winning quarterback would yield a coveted souvenir, if not a national treasure.

But its swiping goes against Texas values, Patrick said Monday in announcing the manhunt, or rather, the shirthunt, toward capturing the culprit.

"In Texas, we place a very high value on hospitality and football," Patrick said. "Tom Brady's jersey has great historical value, and is already being called 'the most valuable NFL collectable [sic] ever.' It will likely go into the Hall of Fame one day. It is important that history does not record that it was stolen from Texas."

We're talking state pride here, y'all. And the actions of one reflect of us all regardless of team loyalty, pardners.

"I'm a Texans and Cowboys fan first," Patrick volunteered in announcing the investigation. "But the unquestionable success of the Super Bowl in Houston last night was a big win for the entire state, and I don't want and I don't want anything to mar that victory."

In a display of intramural cooperation, the Texas Rangers — not the storied law enforcement agency but the professional baseball team in Arlington — suggested in a tweet that they, too, would help find the stolen jersey.

"On it," the baseball team tweeted in a study of measured word economy impressive even by the rigors of the 140-character limit demanded of the social media platform.

Brady could be heard in the locker room following Sunday's 34-28 win over the Atlanta Falcons searching for his jersey. In video posted by Yahoo's Shutdown Corner, Brady asked around for it, telling staff that he put it in his bag before it went missing.

In his statement, Patrick addressed the thief directly with a dire warning: "Whoever took the jersey should turn it in. The Texas Rangers are on the trail."

It was a game for the ages, showcasing our state's largest city and flawless halftime show featuring Lady Gaga. But this jersey thing has given the state a black eye, and one wonders if we're even capable of having nice things.

Seriously, all y'all.

>>> Image: C_osett via Flickr