Our Darling Fiona Gets Date Offer; Fans Say Hippo Is Too Young

SAN ANTONIO, TX — So, it seems a hippopotamus named Timothy at the San Antonio Zoo wants to hook up with Fiona, the young hippo at the Cincinnati Zoo that almost didn’t make it and rocketed to stardom when she did. A love letter on the Texas zoo’s Facebook page is almost too cute to handle.

Timothy thinks Fiona is the most beautiful hippopotamus he’s ever seen and points out that he’s not hard to look at, either, crediting his “great looks” to strong genes. His grandfather, Tumbo, was a cover model for National Geographic.

“Perhaps we can meet someday and be boyfriend and girlfriend?” the post questions. “I am single and available.”

Who wouldn’t love Fiona, who turned 1 on Jan. 24? She was a preemie, arriving six weeks early and weighing only 29 pounds — about half the previous record for the lowest birth weight for a member of her species, normally between 55 and 120 pounds.

She refused to nurse and became dehydrated, sick and lethargic until a nationally renowned Vascular Access Team at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital stepped in and rehydrated her. Fiona’s first few months were spent under the watchful care of humans.

The world practically swooned over Fiona. She has her own video show, showed the rest of us how to work off Thanksgiving feasts, was a big hit at Christmastime with a video set to Gayla Peevey’s 1950s novelty hit “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” and correctly picked the Philadelphia Eagles to win the Super Bowl. She seems to love the spotlight, and photobombed a couple’s engagement.

Fiona is the undisputed glitterati of the hippopotamus world. So Timothy is setting his sights pretty high — too high, if you ask some of the people who commented on the post.

Plus, many said, Fiona is just too young.

“Uh, excuse me Mr. Timothy,” Michael Kammer began, “but Fiona is a long way from dating age. She’s already grounded till she’s 21 (in hippo years) and will not be seeing boys anytime soon. Her late father, Henry (God bless his soul), made it very clear that Fiona is to remain virtuous until she finishes college, has a good career, can support herself (as she doesn’t need a man to take care of her), and is MARRIED!!!

“So, Timothy, if you can pass a very thorough background check, to include interviews of family members, friends, and neighbors; have the means to support a family, and can show Fiona’s family (us) you are worthy, you may then move to Cincinnati to TRY to win Princess Fiona’s heart, as Princess Fiona will not be required to move.”

The post was signed “Respectfully, Fiona’s Family.”

Fiona fans made it clear that the Cincinnati Zoo & Botanical Garden is her home and Timothy should bridle his passion.

“I think this young hippo needs to understand Fiona is a true Cincinnati native and any courtship and or further relationship will be here in Cincinnati,” wrote Brianna Lardie. “It’s her hometown, she can’t leave all her fans.”

And, Kelly Mosel-Talavera wondered, shouldn’t Fiona be allowed to pick her mate?

“Pump the brakes, Timothy’s parents (who I know really wrote this),” Mosel-Talavera wrote. “I know your zoo culture typically practices arranged marriages, however, Fiona is not only young, but also allowed to choose who own life partner. We want her to be happy. And if that means she loves a duck or another hippo or even (omg I hope not — so obnoxious) a seal, it is her choice. Thank you and good luck.”

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AP Photo/John Minchillo