The Art of Discretion

We need to recover the art of discretion. Our historical cultural maxim, printed on our coins, is “e pluribus unum,” meaning, “out of many, one.” That unity is in serious disrepair these days, as we seem to be in something of an “uncivil war.” So many say what they feel when they feel it, without regard or sensitivity to how their words might affect others. This is happening from Congress on down to neighborhoods. What has happened to sensitivity, to kindness, civility, and courtesy? We need to regain fundamental carefulness with our words and intentions.

The word “discretion” has the same root as the term “discernment.” Discernment concerns perception, seeing and sensing of things for what they are, a clear sighting of what is good and what is evil. Discernment has a kind of disinterested quality to it, as if you are looking to see what actually is, for its own sake, rather than for your purposes or desires. Desire clouds perception as fog cloaks a highway.

Discretion follows upon discernment. Discretion concerns what you do or do not do, on the basis of what you have discerned about a situation. Discretion weighs the choices of action – or non-action. How will you use or not use what you have discerned? How will you treat another? In Ursula K. Le Guin’s book, “The Farthest Shore”, one of the characters says, “It is much easier...to act than to refrain from acting.... [Do] nothing because it is righteous or praiseworthy or noble...; do nothing because it seems good to do so; do only that which you must do and which you cannot do in any other way.”

“Do only that which you must do and which you cannot do in any other way.” It takes a lifetime to realize the wisdom of those words.

We see an excellent example of discretion, combined with discernment, in the story of a woman caught in adultery being brought to Jesus of Nazareth. The religious authorities brought the woman to Jesus to test him, to see what he would do. According to Jewish Law, adultery was punishable by death. Would Jesus endorse the Law? Or would he criticize the Pharisees for being hypocrites?

Jesus initially remains silent. Quietly he kneels down and begins to write something on the ground with his finger. We will never know what Jesus wrote. It might have been a list of sins of those who brought the woman to him. They kept pestering him with questions, seeking to trap him. Finally, Jesus stood up and responded with an often repeated sentence, "Let whoever among you who is without sin cast the first stone."

This silenced the woman’s accusers, who could do naught but disperse. Then Jesus showed gentle discretion toward the woman. He said, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" She answered, "No one, sir." To this Jesus replied, "Neither do I condemn you. Go your way, and from now on do not sin again."

Note that discretion involves the finding of a safe space in which new alternatives can be discovered, leading to the reestablishment of relational peace. Author Maggie Ross says, “Within this space is the possibility of harmonious integration of every aspect of our lives, a potential that is brought to bear on every decision to act or to refrain from acting. Within this space are silence, stillness and waiting.”

It is difficult to learn discretion without seeing it modeled. When you find someone who evidences discretion and sensitivity, soak it up.