Barriers to Effective Listening

We have a problem with communication. And our major problem in communication concerns listening. Being a good listener is not as easy as one might think. Research has identified nine barriers to effective listening:

1. Ruling out the speaker. We think the other has nothing of interest to say to us; so we rule out the message even before it is uttered. Yet every person has truths we have not yet heard.

2. Reaching a premature conclusion. We decide we have heard enough to know where the speaker is heading; we feel we have heard it all before. So we reach our conclusion, and wait for the other to get there. We’ve ceased listening, and are standing on assumption’s thin ice.

3. Reading in expectations. We believe we already know what the speaker is going to say, and could even finish the other’s thoughts. Perhaps we are tempted to do so. Have you been convinced you could read another like a book? Has someone felt that way about you? We usually find that offensive. barriers

Beware of reading into others: people change, situations are different, novelty happens. We can project our expectations on to others, and miss what they are really saying, to say nothing of who they really are. Beware of the self-fulfilling prophesy: what we expect from another often determines what we get—or believe we are getting.

4. Reading out—or in—threats. We either discount what the other is saying, or think we are hearing threats when the other is merely expressing feelings. Either way, it is as if we do not believe the other means what they are saying; we trust our interpretation above their words.

5. Rambling or racing ahead. What the other says triggers a flood of thoughts, with each one leading us farther away from what the speaker is saying. If the other speaks too slowly for us, it is difficult for us not to run ahead or away to something more interesting. Yet we do the other and ourselves a disservice by not staying with them.

6. Rehearsing a response. We have something we want to say, so we spend our time refining just how we want to say it. Instead of listening, we are waiting for a pause to break in with our thoughts. If we only listened to others as well as we listen to ourselves, we would likely have no problem in communication.

7. Reacting to trigger words. We all have “buzz”' words we react to either positively or negatively. And their usage colors what we hear. Politicians mastered this long ago. Phrases like “tax cut” can mask double talk.

8. Responding with evaluation. Rather than telling the other what we heard, we reward or punish them by pronouncing it clever or creative, crude or contradictory. One psychological study found that people spend more time judging what they hear than attempting to understand it. We are more concerned with what it means to us than what it might mean to the speaker.

9. Reacting to the person or personality. Our attitude toward the speaker profoundly affects what and how we hear. We will listen with respect to one we respect and disdain toward one we dislike. Our personal disposition impedes effective listening.

Finally, some good news about listening: Should you miss something that was said, and risk telling the other person right away, do not be surprised if rather than chide you, that person will most likely thank you for caring enough to listen well. That has been my experience.